"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings."

- Anaïs Nin

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I sat in my bed later that day, my head was completely blank. I haven't left my room since I got home from school, I've just been staring at the plain walls in my room. After an hour of fighting with Axel, he finally gave up and left when he realized I wasn't going to tell him my newfound discoveries.

Axel wanted me to tell him who I got the information from but if I told him, I knew he would hurt Clayton. I didn't want to see him hurt just because he was the only one who didn't hide the truth from me.

Clayton's words seemed to be pounding in my head, no matter what I did to get them out they stayed stuck in my thoughts. Axel tried to convince me it was best this way, me not knowing Jack-shit about anything, I don't see how being in the dark would protect me. If I just knew what was going on, what perceived danger they were talking about that I needed to be protected from, I would stop fighting them so much.

"If you're not careful and don't connect to the dots that are right here in front of you Mia, it's going to get you killed."

What dots am I not connecting? I tried wrapping my brain around the words he spoke but it just left me feeling more frustrated and hopeless than before.

I never did like mysteries. I was more of an "all the facts out in the open" type of person. I didn't like secrets, which is pretty hypocritical because I am probably the least open person in the universe.

"Mia?" I heard Rylan call from the other side of the door.

I heard him knock softly before jiggling the doorknob that I made sure to lock after Axel left.

"Can we talk, please?" Rylan practically begged.

The sadness in his voice instantly made me feel bad for being so rude to him, I didn't enjoy arguing with him. I found myself pushing the blankets off and reluctantly getting off the bed to unlock the door for Rylan.

"This is a 'no lie' zone." I pointed at him.

"If you lie to me while we are in here, I'll cut your finger off or something." I threatened him, smiling lightly at him.

"No lie zone got it." He repeated letting me know he understood.

"Good," I told him.

Rylan walked over to the desk chair and sat down, spinning left and right slowly. I could tell from the cloudy look in his eyes he had a lot he wanted to get off his chest.

I went back to my original seat on the bed and starred over at Rylan but he was too focused on the floor underneath us to realize. I opened my mouth to say something but the words fell flat leaving me gaping like a fish out of water.

"I'm sorry." Rylan's voice was barely above a whispered.

His eyes were still fixed to the ground, there was a deep frown on his lips and scowl on his face. I watched as he fidgeted with his fingers out of nervousness.

"I know," I whispered in the same voice.

Rylan's head instantly snapped towards me, his eyes locked with mine in an intense stare battle, which I lost because I had to look away.

"You do?" He asked shocked.

"Yeah." I nodded my head. "I just don't appreciate being lied too," I explained.

"I don't want to lie to you, Mia." He rushed out.

I just nodded my head slowly and then spoke.

"I'm sorry for being so hard on you." I looked back over at him.

"It's understandable, you're probably really confused, huh?" He chuckled.

"That's an understatement," I stressed.

"Let's see if I can clear some air." He said, standing on his feet and walking to the bed.

"But first." He started. "I need to apologize," Rylan said, sitting down next to me.

"I'm sorry for scaring you earlier, I just zoned out. I didn't know how fast I was really going." He explained grabbing my hand.

"Can you forgive me?" Rylan asked and the intense staredown was back.

"Well, that depends on how much air you clear." I joked but was somewhat serious.

"Alrighty then, I can't tell you what you really want to know." He told me. "However, I can tell you about Faye." Rylan trailed off.

"I already know about Faye." I cut in.

"No, you don't." Rylan shook his head.

"You don't know the real story." He spoke, his eyes turning hard and emotionless.

I just nodded my head, I wasn't sure what I could say in a moment like this, so I said nothing. Anxiety bubbled in my stomach and I wasn't even sure why maybe it was Rylan's whole demeanor or maybe I was scared of what he was going to say.

"So I guess I should start from the beginning." He laughed slightly.

I kept my eyes directed towards my hands, I was now the one fidgeting with my fingers.

"I've been in the system since I was born, one foster home after another. I never knew my parents and really I never wanted too." He squirmed uncontrollably.

"When I was 10, I came to live with Rose. At the time it was only Axel and I who lived here, we instantly became friends, best friends even. We were always up to no good, running around in the streets and hanging with kids much older than us." Rylan informed me with a slight smile on his face.

"We thought we were badass, causing trouble and getting anyway with it. For me it was just fun and games, young rebellion, you know? But I could tell it was more than that for Axel, it was like getting into fights and making enemies was all he knew."

"Fast forward a couple of years later and the Black Spades were formed, I was only 15 and Axel was 16 at the time, we didn't fully understand what we were getting ourselves into," Rylan explained.

"I was 16 when I saw my first dead body. I remember being so scared, having no clue what to do, but I didn't show it, not at all. I watched our leader at the time, Marco, bleed out right in front of me." For the first time since Rylan started talking our gaze met.

"And because Axel had no interest at the time of being the leader and the other guys were absolute idiots, the title fell to me. I know at the time I might have wanted to be a leader, but for me, all the gang stuff was temporary." He swallowed hard before continuing.

"Then Axel introduce me to a girl, his girl. He talked about her for weeks, shit, I felt like I already knew her before we've ever met. Axel told me how in love he was with this girl, he was even talking about leaving the gang to be with her. The only problem was, I was in love with her too." Rylan looked up at with intense eyes.

I couldn't help the pain in my chest as Rylan told about the love Axel had for this girl but I tried to push it away.

"The girl was no other than Faye Jackson." His eyes held so much sadness and regret I had to look away again.

"Faye and I connected in a way I've never connected with anybody before. The only problem was that she was my best friend's girl. I tried to fight my urges but when she came to me saying she loved me, I couldn't fight it anymore. However, she failed to mention she still loved Axel."

"Faye couldn't decide who she wanted more, which left Axel and I going after each other's throats, hating each other's guts." Rylan shook his head disappointedly.

"But suddenly, Axel stop fighting for her. He gave up and of course, this made me secretly ecstatic, I got to have her for myself, at least that's what I thought. Turned out Axel not wanting her anymore, made her want him even more." Rylan's jaw clenched tightly.

"By this point, there were other gangs after me because of course, I was the leader, they wanted me dead."

"Faye was just at the wrong place at the wrong time, they were aiming for me. We had just gotten into a fight over Axel and the next thing I know she was laying on the ground bleeding." I could hear the panic in Rylan's voice as he relived the memory.

I carefully placed my hand on Rylan's hand, letting him know he wasn't alone. He flinched slightly but then relaxed-looking over at me.

"Where is Faye?" My voice came out hoarse.

"I don't know, her parent sent her away after she was released from the hospital." He told me.

"I wasn't even allowed to see her." Rylan's eyebrows furrowed together.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"You know what the worst part is?" He asked.

"She picked me." He spoke before I had the chance to say anything.

"Faye picked me and I couldn't be with her." His voice was shaky.

"So I left Black Spades and focus on school instead, Axel became the leader and life moved on." He shook his head again.

"Axel still hates me for everything, which is okay. I hate myself too." Rylan looked at me with what looked like tears forming in his eyes.

"People do crazy things for love, you shouldn't beat yourself up over it," I told him, trying my best to make him feel better.

"You know, you look a lot like her." Rylan pointed out.

"Same dark hair." He spoke, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Same bright blue eyes," Rylan said, his voice growing husky.

"Same soft, irresistible lips." He whispered.

I was about to open my mouth and tell him I'm not Faye. I wanted to tell him not compare me to her, it made me uncomfortable. But I didn't get the chance to because Rylan's lips were already on mine.

The kiss was soft and sweet but something was missing. There were no tingles setting fire to my body or an increase in heart rate, my head wasn't spinning or fireworks in my stomach. It was just an ordinary kiss.

We pulled away from each other as quick as lightning when my bedroom door swung open out of nowhere.

"Hey, Angel-"

Axel stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Rylan and I's close proximity. My heart fell to my stomach when Axel's face lit up red. His eyes turned into dangerous slits and his hands curled into tight balls.

The only thing running through my mind was two words.

Oh no.