Hi there, paddyptah89 !

Sorry this review took a while. 

So I checked your book out and jotted down some notes on your work. But before we get to the general feedback, let's first deal with the blurb.

I took the liberty of editing your blurb / summary because I noticed it was more of a draft.

Edited version:

"Good and evil is in all of us—that is the truth. It is our choices that make us sinners or saints.

History is written by the victors. So was the Bible written by victors?

Just imagine if Lucifer, the shining light, is really the good guy made out to be bad.

Mad, I know.

This story challenges and rivals the notorious Bible, perhaps the greatest book ever written in all of mankind's existence.

Ask yourself: What if it is all a lie?"

General Feedback on the first parts:

The prologue was quite lengthier than most of what I've read in other books,  but that's not much of an issue, I guess. It was action-packed, the way the imagery was written was rather impressive, and the character development was effective.

If Cain is the protagonist/antagonist in this story, I'm pretty sure many readers will be intrigued to find out what happens to him next after he's committed the crime of murdering his own parents.

The narration had strong points save for the minor punctuation issues, sentence structure errors, among other technical stuff. I also came across some dialogue punctuation errors, some grammar and tense issues, and I'll be detailing them below.

Suggested corrections:

They are there, alright. I sense it. Glenveigh Castle. That is where my parents—the Guardians—are. Azrael told me himself my parents Jon and Valerie Magia hold two of the twelve keys of power, keys that unlock the beast's box. Keys I must retrieve for my master.

youth of fifteen, very captivating despite (a pause is necessary. u can also use a dash after 'fifteen')

head to toe in black death had come. (this part sounds iffy. did u mean to say: "head to toe in black, as if death had come." ? )

The hall itself (proper capitalization needed)

specks of glistening gold. ('spec' is a different word that means 'specifications')

The giant windows on either side of the hall made him feel quite small. (u could balance the telling and showing parts in the descriptive paragraphs to make keep the narration lively and captivating)

crystal chandelier looming above all in the center of the room. (u could omit some parts to make the sentences less wordy and to keep up the active voice)

It was New Year's Eve, so the many distinguished guests dressed to impress, as well as the Magia family. (inserting pauses would improve the narrative flow)

A show band entertained them onstage at the far end of the hall, and the performers were just getting ready to play when Cain appeared. (you could rephrase some sentences from passive to active voice)

Everyone began to fret (this is too short and didn't describe just how the crowd reacted to his sudden presence in the hall. maybe you could add more details?)

with a long chin and sported some stubble. (more correct sentence structure)

in Ireland—one of the few not corrupt.

Valerie Magia, a few years younger than her husband Jon.

Valerie was easy to spot; (a comma would be the incorrect punctuation to connect the two independent clauses) the striking red hair, the curvaceous frame, and her alluring sapphire eyes were her distinguishing features. (better narrative flow)

warm welcoming smile. One could also see his dimples as his eyes opened wide in disbelief. (keep the POV in third person) He moved closer to Cain, closer than anyone else dared to. (more correct sentence structuring)

"Oh, it is you," Valerie reiterated, turning to (a comma/pause is needed after a dialog tag)

joy in her eyes. She, too, moved closer to him. (break up the sentences since the last part is another independent clause)

But Cain did not share his parents' joy (misused apostrophe)

"W-What is it, my son?" Jon asked, now standing within

held it out. Wisely, Jon stepped backward. (break up the two ind. clauses)

old sword that Cain wielded; the skull on the hilt verified that this was indeed the special, soul-absorbing sword which Cain had simply named "Avenger." (more correct sentence structuring and punctuation)

All the good swords had names he was told. (tense switch)

knew now that Cain was an Elementalist

"I have come for the keys." Cain finally stated his intentions with a proud stature, his voice uncannily soothing for such an adversary. (the phrase after the dialog is not exactly a dialog tag so a full stop is needed after the spoken dialogue.)

He lowered his flaming sword, thinking his parents (better sentence structuring)

"Keys? What keys?" everybody asked, looking at one another, rather bemused. ('everybody asked' is a dialog tag so it must be in lowercase. short pauses/comma are needed after each descriptive phrase)

Valerie stated firmly.

Jon added stubbornly.

Cain calmly asked.

(this dialog exchange can do without the telling adverbs being in such close proximity)

"Let these innocent people go!" Jon held out his arm to the pale-faced and terrified crowd of guests, as if to defend them from him. "Then we can talk. Man to man."

"...a swift, clean death." Cain raised a brow and twitched his nose, eyeing up all the Norms

('raised a brow' is not a dialog tag so a full stop is needed after the spoken dialog)

The Norms looked horrified (proper capitalization) (maybe u could add a little more descriptive lines to tell the reader how the Norms reacted to Cain's threats, and not just tell them they 'looked horrified')

"Where are the keys?" he asked again, but he was getting fed up asking the same question over and over again. (better sentence structure)

"You'll never get them!" Jon maintained a stern and loud voice as he had put his foot down on the matter.  (some parts can do without the dialog tags that just sound unnecessary with the adverbs also written in them)

orange aura, then created an orb

flame towards where Jon stood.

Everyone could not bear to watch

opened their eyes, they saw something

Elementalist, too. Somehow he was able to shield himself

from Cain's palms once again

looked at his son, moved his lips, and seemed to think for a second before he spoke the truth. (sentence structure)

do not have," Jon informed him. (comma for the dialog tag)

Cain was seething, but he sensed they were telling the truth. He bit his lower lip and spoke again. "Then who    (better sentence structure)

walked forward, trailing "Avenger" on the ground   (this part is choppy narration-wise, so try rephrasing it)

attacked back; he decided to fight fire with fire. (try not to overuse/misuse commas)

to duel Jon and defeat him in combat. He was cocky—too cocky, perhaps. (proper punctuation. use em dashes or long dashes to indicate a break in thought or dialogue)

Cain held "Avenger" (omit the first comma) out, and now Jon needed a blade of his own if he were to

thinner than Cain's sword

"Now go!" He glared at his wife. ('he demanded his wife' sounds odd)

**

So those are just some of the edits I suggest you make to help improve the narration and polish off your prologue. I apologize that I didn't have time to read through everything. But after reading and taking note of my proofreading comments, I'm fairly certain you will get the hang of it, and that you'll be able to polish off the next chapters on your own. 

Just make time for some proofreading/revisions to make your writing skills more consistent and appealing to the target audience.

All in all, I enjoyed your work and the amount of imagery you included, as well as the premise and your knack for character dev't.

Keep it up. Good luck.

Your friendly critic,

M