©S A F I E

Chapter 5

ELLE

*almost two months have passed*

I gripped the toilet bowl tighter as I hug it closer to my chest only to heave without having anything to let go.

I've been like this for the past week and was getting weaker by the second. Gabe never had the chance to notice this because he's been away for Italy for almost a month now. I do not know the exact date on which he will be back. Maybe next week? tomorrow morning ? tonight?

It was pointless to bug him about it because he wanted to surprise me.

But then, what am I going to tell him once he arrives and see me like this- like a zombie that has just resurrected?

What should I say? That I got a stomach flu, a bug or something I've got because of eating too much ice cream? Or wait...

I momentarily stopped blubbering and went back inside our room. I rummaged the bed side table and open the lock on my phone.

I just knew it!

The red sign on my notification just quite confirm it. I think I know why I am having this sickness yet it's not considered as it is.

I should've got my period last month, and I never have been late in my whole life. With desperation in my eyes, I hoist myself up, struggling to keep my balance as I stare at the girl in the mirror.

"I'm going to take the test."

•

I smiled at the three pink positive signs staring at me.

I'm pregnant!

I danced around the bathroom and giggled some more. Who knows that I will be a mom after a few months? Have a little Elle or maybe little Gabe running around here.

Only 7 out of 10 women who have this result is as happy like me. One of them is underage, or have three kids already and doesn't want an additional problem or the other, which is a single who have a one night stand.

Like I care. I'm going to have what I ask for and it's right in front of me now. Literally.

Out of habit, I begin to bite my nails as I think of the consequences of this. I'm a little bit nervous of what is going to happen to me and the baby when the contract is done but I forced myself to just shut it out and relax. I don't want stress clawing at my very face and make the baby feel worst. I can handle this.

I put the three pregnancy test in my bag and smiled. This will be the second happiest day of my life. The first one is when I married the love of my life -which, I'm not sure if he will be happy with this news but I want the baby.

I won't let him do anything to this little bean.

If I need not to tell him until I'm showing, then fine. I'll do everything in my power to keep my baby safe. Even if it requires me to leave the love of my life just so this little bean would live happily.

The thought of having a life inside of me is clearly a joyful moment. Especially that it's from Gabriel and me. I really need to be careful to everything that I do, and I won't have any coffee anytime soon. No stress and more rest, and lastly, I really want to have some pistachios, salted caramel kisses and vanilla Ice cream right now.

I snatch my purse and decided to meet up with someone I haven't seen for a long time.

•

"What? You're pregnant! I'm gonna be an aunt!" The female version of my husband screamed, slapping my face playfully before she hug me back. It was almost painful for me to stare at Neola the same way as she do to me. It's hard for me to see the same reflection of my husband on her face and smile.

I just miss him too much.

It has been a month since I saw him. She just look a lot like him.

I was suddenly distracted when she piped in, "But you clearly know that my brother will be shocked to know this...it clearly is unexpected" she pointed an accusing finger at me and smirked.

I slap her finger and pouted, "Neola! I know that all he's going to say to me is N.O. and I won't have any say but he has to deal with it. This is a blessing; this little bean is very dear to me and I won't let him do anything to harm my baby!" I sobbed, bursting into tears as I shoved a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth.

Damn, hormones.

Neola gave me a look and wipe my tears with the Kleenex on her hand, "Shh, slow down. No stress for the little bean, right?" I glared at her as I shoved another spoonful, "Yet you are the one who is stressing me." She bit her lip and I smiled at that. Shoving another spoonful on my mouth, I moan at the sweet smelling salted caramel kisses melting on my tongue.

"What are you going to do when he find out about this?" She asked after I finish my ice cream.

I look at her and smiled, "Nothing, I'll let it be. I won't do anything. I'm pretty sure that once he see the photos of this little bean, he will accept him. " She just gave me a confused look, frowning at the tub of ice cream in front of her.

"But you know my brother, Elle. He always get what he wanted and all of his demands are always followed. He has plans for the both of you and he doesn't, never in a million years, would want a kid, right? You know he has--"

"I know that but, his reasons are lame! I just don't understand him..." I shoved another spoonful and watch her shoved her own share of the ice cream on her mouth.

"I don't even understand why he doesn't want a kid also. He's like twenty-nine already and the company is doing well, you and him are perfect and have a lovely house. " She shove a spoonful of her own ice cream inside her mouth before scowling at me, "Yet against all this, how come he let you have your way? My brother's not that idiot when it comes to things like this, especially things he don't like." She gave me a curious look before turning her attention to her milkshake which still looks like untouched.

Because he's drunk and out of his mind, Neo, and that I partly lied to him.

No, I won't tell her that.

"Because he arrive late that night and then--"

"No need for those details! God, I don't want to know about your sexual this and that, woman. I'm clearly satisfied of the 'no sex before marriage thingy'. You know, I might be tempted." She covered her ears as I laughed at this silly twenty-two years old gal. "I just want to know how you persuade him to do it."

"Alright. It just...happened." I smiled at her as she grinned at me.

"That's it?"

I nodded and said. "You don't want to hear the details, right?"

She hastily pointed the spoon at me before deciding to shove it back into one of the tubs, "Let's eat this pistachio ice cream now that we finished the salted caramel one. Oh, I remember! I even ordered you some strawberry milkshakes. I heard that most pregnant women visiting this cafe ask for this special milkshake." She called for the waiter and I watch in horror as she laid the glass in front of us. Neo thank him and push the glass to me, "Your favorite, right?" She cheered but I just frowned back at the milkshake, "Are you okay, El?"

"I don't like strawberry at this moment...especially one on my milkshake," I stood up from my sit and headed in the bathroom to throw up.

•

I look down on my watch and waited some more.

He said he's gonna meet me up for dinner. He informed me that he will arrive late this evening instead of going back tomorrow morning. He said dinner but why is it that he's not here yet?

It's almost midnight!

And the fact that I prepared his favorite dish even if it is hard to do makes me irritated at him. Pissed even.

I've gone almost everywhere today. From the café, then to the doctor's before going to the grocery store to find the ingredients for the so called chicken Alfredo.

I'm very thankful that Neola is there to be my company and driver. She accompanied me to the hospital to have my very first check up seeing as Taylor was with Gabe.

There, Eric, my doctor, told me that I'm 5 weeks pregnant. I'm a bit hesitant at first when he examined me because of the main reason that he's a guy. Though he assured me that he was actually a gay. I almost laugh at how ridiculous I act, gawking when he asked me to strip and open up as he use the wand to probe at 'my area'. I'm very thankful that he's my doctor because he is very supportive and cheerful.

I also meet Victo-I mean Dr. Cherry, his assistant/ substitute doctor for his patients in case he wasn't there. She looks awfully familiar to me that I almost fumed in anger. She has the same facial features like that of Victoria, Gabe's ex-girlfriend except that Cherry is blonde while Victoria was brunette. The features ends with that because they have no traits in common like, Cherry's attitude is kind, nice and loving; nothing like those of that scandalous bitch which has a name of Victoria, whom I fought with before me and Gabriel got married. She's so scanty and ridiculous that even though it has been a year I can't forget about her freak face.

Her face still irks me like I want to pull her head off and scream bloody murder. Why does Cherry have to look like someone I hated for the rest of eternity? I'm pretty sure that God can choose a lot of combinations so why do they have to look a lot like each other? And the fact that Cherry is so nice to me that she already win my heart makes it more stupid. I'm even assured that she will take care of me and my baby.

After giving me my prenatal vitamins, Eric asked me to come back next month to check on this little bean. He also gave me his number and that I'm free to consult him anytime, or asked him about the different stages of pregnancy. He also told me that throwing up or morning sickness is just one of those signs of being pregnant besides being late on your period.

After my check-up, Neola and I went to the nearest grocery store to buy some of the ingredients. Gabe said that he is going to have a dinner with me which apparently turns out that he's not!

Even if I feel like I'm gonna sleep for the rest of my life as soon as my body hits the sack, I still waited. I'm so beat which explains why I am so eager to sleep.

It's past eleven in the evening now and there's not even a sign on when he's going to arrive. No message or call to tell me that he'd cancel his flight back to New York because he still had some unfinished business meeting or anything! He just made me wait. He made me think that he will be here with me tonight, celebrating his arrival and also the present inside me.

It's been a month since he went home, Darn it! I really miss him.

I can't help the tears as they fell down on my cheek. Can't he see that I long for his presence? He's been very focus on making our relationship work from the moment he stayed with me all day after our anniversary. He's determined. He showed me that he can still be human, that I can be loved by him but, as he leave for Italy, I know it will change again.

I sat down on the stool and stared at my work on the plate. A lot of thoughts clouding my mind again as the next batch of tears flow down like a new floodgate opens. I cried my heart out and screamed, lashing out. I can't help myself as I lay my head down on the counter, swallowing back a sob.

I'm tired as well. Hungry too.

I cannot wait some more and the smell of Chicken Alfredo is making me drool like I haven't eaten from the past twenty-five years of my existence.

After finishing a plate full of pasta, I wash it up and made my way in our room. I keep the leftovers in the fridge so if he ever arrives tonight and gets hungry, he can feed his foul mouth. I gripped the plate harder as I thought about him having an affair.

Maybe, that is possible.

He's always been known to have so many mistresses, models then and there. It is only when his father have arranged a marriage for the two of us when he settled down.

I always have doubts but he always try to pushed it off my mind and gave me a satisfying relationship. Satisfying to the extent of him putting a distance between us. He told me that he love me but it seems like it's all a lie. And now, with the business running on his hand and those nights he stayed up late, I never get the chance to spend time with him. Even in weekends he always have work.

It was such a waste of hope. I really miss his presence.

I strip off my clothes and headed in the bathroom. I remember that night, the night when he came home after the party, drunk out of his mind. I took him in and let him kiss me. I let him infect me with lust--not to mention about the desperation in my heart that is winning and the way he reacted to it. He completely blew my head off.

I want to have a kid right from the moment we married. Even if it's the only thing that will make me happy when he's away. It will be like a substitute of his very presence. This little snot will look just like him and I'm very sure of that.

I caress my tummy and smiled, "Hello there, little Bean. I'm your mommy. I love you, always remember that..." I gaze at my reflection in the mirror and smiled.

Who knows I can be pregnant without him knowing it?

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