After receiving that text, I don't know what I'm gonna felt. Am I going to be sad because of what Kate's text? Or happy because finally Kieron's going to talk to me? My gosh! I don't know, but I have a bad feeling for this. I'm nervous as fuck! What if he really have a fiancé, that's why he didn't want to talk to me before? If ever he have, what will happened to me? This is frustrating...
I go to Kate's room here, as soon as I opened it, I suddenly regret it, because they were kissing, Larcade on top of her.
"What the fuck, Sari! I didn't know you didn't know how to knock?!" Larcade shouted. After he shouted at me, my tears suddenly burst out on my eyes, not because of him of course because I don't care on what they were doing, I just want an answer... Kate's suddenly hug me the moment she saw me crying.
"I'm sorry Sari, but it came from a reliable sources" she said. "What happened?" Larcade asked. Kate's explained it to him and suddenly he punched the wall. My eyes got widened.
"I don't care that he is engaged but knowing you did that?! What the hell, Sari! Even if you're the one who left, you didn't deserve to be treated like that! " He said.
"No, I deserved that Larcade" I tried to smiled at him. He just walked out and slammed the door. "I'm sorry Kate" I said to her. "Why?" She asked. "Because I'm this weak and burden to the both of you" I said. She smiled. "If this is the payment for being friends with you, then I am willing to accept even how vulnerable you are, you accepted my flaws and difference first, so don't ever said sorry for me because I would trade everything just to make you okay, and even there has really a payment, I will surely invest a big amount for that" she said.
As soon I as enter the university, my hands suddenly felt wet while my heart started pounding. I promised myself that no matter what's gonna happened today, I would accept it, wholeheartedly. Kieron looks so dashing on his casual outfit. Ash gray hair really damn suited him, he looks more manly and hot! Until the end, you really didn't control yourself of praising him, huh?
"Let me speak first, I'm engaged and this talk would be only means for closure. Don't expect anything. Now, talk" he said with his serious tone.
"Remember when your scholarship got cancelled? It's not an accident, my father did that to you for me to leave you. My mother have a colon cancer so we need flew to Los Angeles and convinced her to get medication in Australia and stay there for good. I refused...at first because I didn't want to leave you but after seeing you that devastated and stressed. I agree to Dad in exchange of your special exam and secured future. You deserved that life, Kier. And I'm very sorry for leaving you, I can't digest being with you before, knowing that you could be more if I left" I explained to him without crying. I'm not gonna cry today.
"When did I tell you that I wanna be more? I just want to be with you that time, Sari!" He shouted.
"Being with me would only means all your sacrifices in academic would just turned in to be wasted" I said.
"Yeah, it will gonna be a wasted and it's fine with me because you'll there, you're gonna comfort and made me feel okay, but how about you, leaving, it's not? Yes! Because the moment I learned that you left, I died. That time, I didn't attend my graduation and didn't leave my apartment thinking on what possibly your reason. Leaving a person with reason was much way better than leaving without. You made me questioned my capabilities, am I not enough to made you to stay back then? You know, you created my insecurity after you left." He said, crying. My gosh!
"You're more than enough, I just... didn't think that side before, because I'm too focused on you, reaching your dreams" I said.
"Reaching my dreams? Did you even heard my dreams before, at the interview?" He said.
My eyes suddenly watered, I can't keep it anymore! My gosh...
"No, right? Because you easily made a decision without consulting me! Where is your Dad? I want to talk him" he said.
I smiled sadly while crying. "He's gone" I said while sobbing. Until now, I didn't want to accept that. "So, you're the only one here, huh?" He said. "I mean he died...and my mother too. They died on that five years while I was in Los Angeles. I suffered too, Kier. I was left behind too and lost myself too." I sobbed. His eyes was widened and his mouth fell.
He suddenly hugged me. "I'm sorry for your lost, but everything changed right now, Sari. I'm not like the Kieron's before. I met this girl in the middle of my misery, she was the one who saved and made me feel my worth... again" he said.
"Are you happy?" I asked, ready to give up after knowing that he experienced that all.
It took him minutes before he finally answered "Yes" he whispered.
I bit my lower lip stopping myself from sobbing. I let go of his hug.
"If she's making you happy, then I'm going to let you go. I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you, I'm sorry for making you felt insecure. I'm sorry...now please go. This time I was the who will watch you leaving" I sobbed.
He hugged again for the last time. "Forgive yourself, Sari. Please...heal, I better want to see the feisty and strong version of you than this weak and helpless Sari. After hearing your side...I somehow understand you, but it's my heart who doesn't accept it. When we see each other again, I'm looking forward to saw you rolling eyes and glared at me. I'm sorry for not choosing you over her. I'm sorry for choosing this safe love because with her I'm at peace. I'm wishing for your happiness..." he said before he finally go.
I stopped crying on Mrs. Suave's arms after telling them the whole story. They were both crying right now.
"I'm sorry to hear that Sari, but just like Kier, I'm wishing for your happiness too" Mr. Suave said and smiled genuinely.
"Don't worry I'll get there...and it's been two months since then and I'm getting better" I smiled before wiping my tears. After an hour, I finally said good bye on them.
While on my way home, I suddenly remembered what I did after the week of that talk. I'm crying everyday and continue the feeling of heavy pain on my chest. I tried to end my life that day, because why not? Everyone left me...the only one that's keeping me on holding on was Kate, because I'm her only friend but knowing that Larcade will be there for her to make her okay, I even more determined to that. I was about to drink that medicines when Larcade suddenly entered my room, after he learned what I'm gonna do, he cried and beg me to stop that. He hugged me and told me that this life was worth to lived, but how? So I continue my attempt but he suddenly get and throw it. I cried and beg him to stop this pain but he's just cried with me and never left me that night. Although, after that night I attempt again in the kitchen, but that time it's Kate who stopped me. She cried and cried but I was so numb to feel her sympathy so I just stared at her...emotionless. She covered her face with her hand and moment later, she suddenly slapped, hard. That slapped made me back to my reverie, I started crying too saying sorry to them...
If Kieron find his safe love with someone else, I realized that maybe my safe love was really a self love indeed. From now on, I'm going to accept every little part of me. I'm going let myself freed from all the pain and guilt from the past. Regarding to Kieron, I'm going to get forward not because it's needed but because I'm willing... but not right now, maybe soon but not later. I smiled at my thoughts before finally parking my big bike on the garage. I opened the door and immediately saw Larcade and Kate watching television together.
"I'm home!" I smirked at them.