[Rockey's POV]

“Bye girls!” I wave goodbye to the two while watching them enter the school gate. Vicky is not in the mood today though. I bet she's feeling jealous by Jackal's presence because this dude offered us a free ride. I'm lazy to commute, and drive us to school, so who Am I to decline a peaceful offer right?

“Hey, Rockey. Seem like Vicky has a tiny crush on you, huh?” Jackal concludes which I just ignored. I don't want to think about the things that has no definite proof nor confirmation yet. It's a waste of time and might just add up to my list of concerns, plus I'm not in the right place to answer that question because Vicky is the only one who knows the truth, and she didn't say anything about that to me yet, so who Am I to speak for her feelings right?

“Anyways, let's go?” he asks, and I just nodded my head in response. He's about to open the door for me, but I beat him to that. I already did it myself. My hands are made to do things such that. Very basic and not that hard to do, so I don't need help. “I can manage” I smiled at him before entering his car. After we buckled up, he starts driving. We're off to the pancake house to have breakfast.

Fast Forward: [At Pancake house around 8:00 AM]

“I will take a tripled-layer Pancake with maple syrup and a butter on top. Uhm, for drinks. Medium size Iced tea” I said while closing the menu, then plastered a smile to the waitress. “And mine would be a double-layered chocolate waffle and a cup of hot coffee” Jackal said, handing back the Menu to the waitress. After she wrote down our orders, she flashes me a bright smile. “Your orders will be up in 10 minutes, Miss” she said, still smiling to me before leaving us and goes back to the counter.

Once the waitress is out of sight, I noticed Jackal having a huge smirk to his face while shaking his head in disbelief. What's wrong with this guy? Hmm. “What? You like her?” I assumed because he's been staring at her for a couple of seconds now after she left our table. “Me? No. She isn't my type, Rockey” he replied while pressing his back against the chair. “What's your type then?” I straightforwardly ask just to make things not so boring between us. Let's just go to that topic since it's a recent one. “You” he said while looking at me lovingly. Oh. A sudden confession. I see. Already whipped for me, huh? He's so easy to read like Vicky.

“But, why though?” I questioned him because I find him not so appealing to me at all. Let's just say that his cute, has a nice body and gentleman, but his just LIKE THAT. I mean, there's nothing about him that makes him stand out above the rest of the guys out there. “I just like you, but not to the point I will push myself to you” he told, and I felt his honestly with that. I nodded my head in understanding. “I see. Uh, I'm just wondering why you still don't have a girlfriend, perhaps are you GAY?” I straight-forwardly said while smiling at him as well. It made him chuckled at his seat. “Silly. I'm not gay. Its just that I don't know what's the real meaning of love yet” He explained, shrugging his shoulders while leaning his chin on top of his left palm, looking at me. “What are you dumb?” I ask in confusion while looking back at him, then he chuckled again. “You can say that, but I think, I'm just out of knowledge. I have never been into any relationships before” he clarified which I let out an audible hum in response. “Sorry” I apologized not because I feel guilty, but because I'm being too straightforward.

“How about you, Rockey? Do you even know what love is?” He threw me the same question. It came from me first, but it still makes me think deeply. Love has a lot of definitions as well as its type and kind. I can't just say a random meaning coming from some quotes or novels that I've read right? I'm not that hopeless romantic who wants a fairy tale like love-life.

“But, answer that question later. Our food is already on the way. Let's eat first” Jackal's voice interrupted my thoughts, then I saw him eyeing the waitress again. What's his deal with her though? If I were the waitress, it will be easy for me to feel his stares. I'll surely punch his face for that. TSK. “Tripled-layer pancake with maple syrup on top and a medium size iced tea” the waitress said while placing my orders in front of me carefully. Our eyes met again, and I just smile at her as we exchange glances. When it's time for Jackal's order, she just casually placed it in front of him, then smile to me again for the last time before leaving. I could only chuckle at my seat, seeing Jackal's reaction. He was too surprised. “That girl has her favoritism. Another pretty girl, but GAY” Jackal scoffs at his seat, cutting a piece from his waffle. “She's disgusted by you, bruh” I joked. He plays along and pretended to be hurt, then let out a giggle after. “Seems like she was” He agreed before stabbing a chunk of waffle. “You don't like gay people?” I conclude while taking a sip of my ice tea. “No, Rockey. I actually find it fascinating that some of the girls I've seen so far has a pretty face and has a gorgeous girlfriend too while I'm here eating my waffle with a pretty girl, yet I'm still single” he explained after chewing the waffle. “Aren't you threatened that you can't find a girlfriend anymore?” I giggle while cutting a chunk of pancake.

Seem like nowadays, girls are for girls and boys are for boys only. The rainbow flag is waving you all. HAHAHAHAHA.

Fast Forward: [Few minutes after having breakfast. Out in the park]

“Hey Rockey?” Jackal taps me on my shoulder while pointing his index finger towards the bench near the entrance of the amusement park. Yeah, after breakfast, he asked me if we can go somewhere, then we're here now. It has been a year since the last time I've been here. Once, we're settled to the bench. I just look ahead of us. I suddenly felt sad. This place reminds me of my childhood, unknown to me, I'm already in tears. “Here” I heard his voice again and his offering me a handkerchief. Still confuse, I suddenly felt a thumb wiping something on my right cheek bone. “You're crying” he said. His voice was full of worry. I am crying? I blink a few times as I gently removed his thumb off my cheek while wiping the tears myself. Wow. I was indeed crying. “Oh my--Sorry for getting emotional” I said playfully just to get-crossed. I also gave him a small smile for assurance. “Want to talk about it?” he asks, but not really pushing the subject too much. Should I?

Before, Coralita was always the one who comforts me when I'm feeling this way, mixed emotion, but now, this is the first time that a NOBODY wants to listen. I appreciate that, but not to the point I will tell him anything about it. I think, him knowing I'm not feeling okay was already enough. “Hey. You asked me earlier if I know anything about love right?” I changed the subject, seeing him nodding in response. His eyes scream worry in them, but I just look ahead of us again. There are plenty of people that just passing us by like we didn't even exist. It seems like we're invisible to them.

That was my life after my sister died. My parents decided to go back to Sydney and take me back with them as well with my niece, Joy. She's Alicia's 11-month-old daughter. The decision was a rush and I hadn't had the chance to say my farewell to my best friend, Coralita. I thought my life will be better with my parents, and we'll be starting off another life in there, but all of my assumptions are wrong. It was the complete opposite. When we landed back to Sydney, my presence seems like it doesn't exist to them anymore. NONE of my parents asks me if how Am I doing nor how was my day started and ended like they usually did before.

In a short note, they don't care about me anymore. There is no day that they didn't have a fight. The screaming, the shouting, and the whimpering are the only sounds you will hear in the household. Hearing them like that is a mental torture for me, even though they are not saying anything about my sister's death, I know deep down in their hearts, they are blaming me for what happened to her because I was the only person that's been living with her in her apartment. Seeing them like this almost all the time always made me think, what if I was the one who got murdered? Will they be happy and stay the same? I think they will. Now that Alicia is no longer with us, living with my parents feels like I am a superhero who mastered the invisibility. NO conversation. NO attention and NO affection.

It feels like I was only brought back here to feel the not so obvious mental torture, but despite the pain it always caused me, I still choose to STAY with them because I LOVE them. No matter how painful their treatment was, I still choose to STAY because I believed that the responsibility to care of them was already on me, sadly, I don't feel that they need me anymore. I was voiceless to them now, and they wouldn't listen to me either NO MATTER how hard I tried to help them cope up because I, myself was struggling to do it as well. It's hard moving forward without my sister.

One day, I woke up feeling NOTHING. I felt EMPTY inside. When I see them fighting? I don't care anymore. I think, I'm already USED to it and maybe DONE with everything. I don't have hope in my system anymore, and I lost my faith too. I realized that staying here won't do me good, but hardships and torture. I decided to go back to New Zealand and find Alicia's killer. I was already packing a few of my things when I heard a crying sound. It was from my niece. When I entered her nursery room, she automatically stopped crying and started to giggle. A few centimeters away from her, I saw a smoke like figure beside her crib. Joy was still giggling, then she suddenly said her first word “Mama". It makes me broke into tears instantly. I carried Joy in my arms, and felt her tiny hand holding my index finger tightly. She was still smiling, then I felt cold. I was engulfed inside the smoke. At first, it was freezing cold, then it got warmer. A very familiar warmth that I certainly recognized. It was Alicia. After that experience, I promised myself that I will take care of her child, and give her death the justice we failed to attain. I admit that I feel guilty for choosing to leave them again, but I made this guilt as my MAIN priority. I will leave them to find Alicia's killer and I will come back home with the justice we've been longing for.

“Rockey?” then Jackal's voice interrupted my thoughts again, and puts me back in my trance. “Just let it out, it's okay to cry for once” he starts consoling me while rubbing my back in comfort. I just realized that I'm already in his embrace. Who Am I to turn down a comfort right? I cried silently while feeling the pain over and over again. It makes me feel weak and broken. The emptiness. The loneliness and the torture. It all came at once.

“It will be fine, Rockey” he said while guiding my head to the crook of his neck. I'm too weak to response and all I did is to cry. It has been such a long time since I've last experienced a comfort. “I will not leave you Rockey till you get better” he reassured me, but then I suddenly feel sleepy. Out of sudden? Hmm, maybe because of too much crying. I don't anymore. It's just too painful to bear all the emotion at once. “Sleep for a bit, Rock” he whispered and starts stroking my hair gently.

---
Another dream, another memory, means another nightmare. Alicia, tell me what really happened to you? Who killed you?

“Kids! Take care okay. Alicia, drive slowly” Aunty Carita remind my sister. It's our sister day today. We went to Coralita's house to borrow one of their cars. “Bye, Aunty. See you later, Coral” I bid my best friend goodbye while Alicia helped me to buckled up my seat belt. “We'll be back before nighttime, Aunty” Alicia smiled, then starts driving. “Let's ride the roller coaster!” I beamed in excitement which I received a giggle from her. “Your height is not enough for that ride yet, sorry baby” she sweetly said while glancing at me, then focused back her eyes to the road. I nodded in understanding, looking out the window. “CANDY!” I shouted in happiness, once we passed-by our favorite candy shop. “Before we go home, we'll buy candies” she assured me, and I just nodded patiently.

The car ride feels longer than usual. The scenery feels different too. “The amusement park is over there” I said, pointing my index finger towards to the left side of the road. “I know” then a very dark voice said beside me. It wasn't Alicia anymore. It was the dark silhouette again, then by seconds, the car flipped over the cliff. The impact felt so real. My shoulder got dislocated when my seat belt snapped, and I crashed directly to the window, but luckily it didn't break into pieces or else it will all go straight to my face.

“Who are you?” the same question I always asked her. Yeah, she's a girl, but she never answered, but instead she just laughs at me before killing me as well. Is this a message that I will follow Alicia soon?

Time skipped: [Few hours later after dreaming]

“Oy Vicky, stay away from Rockey. You're too close, sis!” I heard few voices not too far from me. I slowly open my eyes and heard a thud. “Yah! Are you okay?” Another voice said, but I'm still sleepy to even recognize the voices. My room is suddenly dim and my feeling is heavy. Something cold is on top of my forehead too. What the heck is happening? I'm about to reach for it, but then a hand stopped me. “Rest for a bit, Rock. You have a fever” now, I recognized that voice. It was Jennifer's. I see. I get it now why I'm so drained out of a sudden. I'm close to thinking that the waitress poisoned me though. HAHAHAHA

“Katy, is the oatmeal ready?” she asks, then we heard a hum by the distance, followed by light footsteps. “Can I feed her?” then I heard Vicky's voice near me. “Make sure to blow it first okay? Don't get to excited” Jennifer said before changing seats with Vicky. The tray was already placed on the side table. “Let me help you” Vicky offer, then help me sit up. I muttered a faint thank you because I still feel a little dizzy. “H-how did I get here?” I ask and my voice sound hoarse. My throat feels dry. “Here” then she handed me a glass of water. “Thank you” I faintly said after drinking. “Did you cry?” she worriedly asks while getting back the tray and I just nodded my head. “Next time, cry on me. Not with him, got it?” she smiled at me before blowing a spoonful of oatmeal. “Pretending part 2?” Katy butts into the conversation which her sister instantly glared at her. This sibling. HAHAHAHA. “Oh! New love team. I see” Jennifer joined in too which I roll my eyes playfully. “Don't mind them, Vy” I re-assured the middle child, then she happily feeds me again.

KNOCK (2X)

“I'll get it. Katy stay here. We don't want them to start making out right?” Jennifer tease us and Vicky is about to argue back when I shush her off by placing my index finger on her lips. “I said don't mind them” I re-assure her, then feed myself instead. “Hey! That's my job. No fair” Vicky whines, snatching the spoon out of my hold. “Say ah” she playfully said. I just open my mouth, then she feed me again while smiling like a kid. Cute.

“Hey, Harrison came to visit” Jennifer inform, followed by Jackal whose carrying a fruit basket in his right hand. Wow. His prepared. Upon his arrival, Vicky's expression went blank by instant. “Oh, I need some popcorn for this” Katy said and run towards the kitchen. “Don't forget about me, Sis” Jennifer followed her. “Hey” I greeted the newly arrived guest, but Vicky didn't. She just starts feeding me again. “I brought some fruits. Btw, how are you, Rockey?” he asks while approaching me. “Feverish” I replied and got feed by Vicky again. Is she rushing me to finish the oatmeal? “You're doing that on purpose, don't you?” then Jackal raises one of his eyebrow towards Vicky whose just smirking at him. What is happening? “Doing what?” Vicky asks innocently, then feed me again with the oatmeal. Jackal chuckled in sarcasm while his eyes never leaves Vicky's sight. “That. Feeding Rockey when I spoke to her” he said while crossing his arms over his chest. “Oh? This? You're overreacting dude. I'm just taking care of her, don't be judgmental” Vicky said while showing him her innocent smile.

“That's my sister! Go Sis!” Katy cheered from the kitchen. “Yeah! Fight for your love Sis! We got you!” Jennifer supported her sisters which Jackal and Vicky looks at them in disbelief. “Uhm, Popcorn?” Katy and Jennifer said in sync like they didn't say anything. I chuckled softly and decided to end their little argument. I'm still dizzy to watch and hear them bickering in front of me. “Anyways, what brings you here?” I ask him with the softest voice I could ever master. Coralita taught me that. I'm so proud that I delivered it nicely. Jackal's eyes softened and smiled at me. “I'm just here to know the answer” he said, but smirk at Vicky. Oh. That. I suddenly remember what happened in front of the amusement park and I mentally facepalm myself for acting weak in front of him. I might add a scolding too, but later on.

“When you feel real pain and jealousy at the same time. It means love because it's a sign of fear of loosing what you already have, but when it feels like you didn't feel them at once, that feeling is just an admiration or a little crush” I rhetorically said while closing my eyes. No matter how hurt I will get. I will never stop loving those people who've hurt me in the first place because experiencing those from them makes me feel a lot stronger.

So let's be all STRONGER okay?

Fast Forward: [In the middle of the night. Still wide awake with Katy and Vicky]

“Do you believed in ghost, Rockey?” Katy curiously asked. “Yeah, do you?” Vicky added up. “Maybe if I see one” I deadpan while closing my eyes. Both of them let out an exciting squeal. What's up to these two? Btw, both of them look so cute in their twinning banana printed pajamas. “When nighttime comes like in between 2-3:00. We heard a whipping sound outside the hallway” Vicky start off. “That's morning already, sis, but yeah. It was audible to hear since the surrounding is dead during those times” Katy supported her sister's remarks.

Honestly, I do believe in ghost. Its just that I haven't seen one before, and it contradicts my motto in life. To see is to believe.

“I do watch Paranormal channels on YouTube and I had witnessed some ghostly activities in there as well, but I'm still skeptical about it because most of them are staged and obvious that it was just came from a complete hoax” I said as a matter of fact which Katy hums in response. “I agree, but there are few channels on YouTube that has a raw content about paranormal things” Vicky told. Interesting. “Want to watch some episodes with us?” she then suggested. I'm not yet sleepy, so why not. “Yeah, sure” I said, then I felt a weight in my bed. “Katy. Go back to your sleeping bag” Vicky whines while pulling her sister's foot out of the bed. “What? I feel scared” Katy playfully said while side-hugging me. “Scared my butt, Katy. We've been doing this all night, and you're even eating popcorn beside me while ranting them” Vicky expose, then Katy quickly sat up and exaggeratedly clutching her chest with a fake painful expression. “Did you just betray me, dear sister?” Katy asked, like she's a lead actress in a drama.

“You're the biggest traitor in here, Katy” Vicky response in the same manner. Are they playing a random skit in front of me? “I-I don't know what you're talking about” Katy replied, looking straight into her sister's orbs. “Stop denying it, Katy! You stole the girl I want!” then Vicky burst out between in anger and in pain while I just pointed out myself, then Vicky just winks at me playfully before acting angry again. What the actual fvck is happening? “You know that I didn't do that!” Katy argued back. “How many times you have slept with her! Then tell me again that you didn't?!” Vicky shouted which startled me and Katy, and a sleeping figure starts shifting in her sleeping bag. I smell scolding. HAHAHAHA.

“Both of you go to sleep and stop making another skit” then Jennifer joined in. Her eyes are still close, but her voice was strict and firm. The two younger kids whines in sync before Katy goes back to her sleeping bag, she gave me a peck on the cheek. “You're really a no fun, Jennifer. I hate you” Katy said while getting a pillow and hit the older Ruby with it. “Stop it!” then Jennifer groans in annoyance, getting a pillow too and hit it straight to Vicky's face. “Why me!” the middle child complaints and about to hit back her sister, but stop upon receiving a deadly glare. “Okay, goodnight everyone” Katy playfully said while turning off the light on the lamp. “Goodnight, Rockey” Vicky sweetly said, and I just hum in response. “Aw. Cold treatment” Katy tease. “I said sleep” then the light was turned on again and a glaring Jennifer was seen. “Fine, fine. Geez” Katy shrug her shoulders and side-hug Vicky. “Goodnight to all of us” Jennifer whispered, but still audible for me to hear. It was indeed dead silent during these hours.

I still can't sleep. They said once you're having trouble sleeping at night, it means that there is actually someone that is thinking of you. If that is legit, who could be that person might be? Is that Coralita? My niece, Joy? Or perhaps, my parents? It sounds impossible, but I hope they still think about me. I miss you, mom and dad.

- TO BE CONTINUED -