VII

Responsibilities and Consequences

 Madame Gemma ushered us into her office even before I spoke a response. She was grinning--smirking--as if seeing my surprised face was entertaining for her. 

 Her office, which looked like a bedroom, was spacious. The walls were painted white and crepe pink, while her floor was covered with a huge gray carpet. The smell from the pub outside was mixed with the room’s strawberry smell. There were lots of papers and bills lying around the table together with an unfinished plate of a piece of a strawberry cake.

It looked like a room that would be found within the premises of a palace, like a queen’s room.

The madame noticed my fascination. “It took years for me to build and buy everything I have here,” she explained without question. “Take a seat.” She pointed at the pink couch in the corner. 

“How long are you planning to stay here?” Henry and I exchanged looks. No one said anything about staying here.

“Forgive us, Madame, but we would not be staying here. We just happened to pass by, and we will be leaving soon,” the prince corrected. 

Madame Gemma took out a pair of pink glasses, wore it, and gazed at us with a questioning look. “That is impossible! No one comes in here to just pass by! Stay for a day, especially that I need to know why Constanza is here, and not guarding the princess.”

She crossed her arms. “Did you elope with this man?” 

“Elope! Her imagination is wild!” Eos squeaked; her eyes were bulging. 

“As if Cola would even like that prince!” Scylla seconded while Kalare bursted out laughing as the prince and I continuously shook our heads hard. The situation was both chaotic and humorous. 

“Uh, the princess had been awake for a week now,” I hesitatingly answered in a tiny voice, hoping that it would lessen the embarrassment for a bit. It was my one and only job and yet, I failed. “I am on a journey with Prince Henry to retrieve her.”

“Poppycock! Is that for real?” Madame Gemma suddenly looked bothered at the latest information at hand. 

Scylla snorted. “I like her. She swears.”

Henry nodded. “Yes, that is why we will be leaving soon.”

Madame ignored Henry’s statement; she was pacing back and forth, thinking deeply, and due to this, I was able to observe her physical features.

I failed to notice the resemblance when I first met her, but now that she was standing near, I could make out the similarities she shared with my Godmothers. Her eyes, especially, were on the shade of brown hazelnut, just like Godmother Merryweather.

 A pang of sadness struck my chest as I stared at Madame Gemma longer. I have been alive for many years, but I have never heard of her. The Godmothers did not tell me anything about her. Maybe because they did not think that it was my business to know their family. 

I am, after all, their greatest life work. Not a part of their family, nor their friend. Just their mere creation.

“I believe that your journey is of utmost importance,” Madame Gemma started to say, which distracted me from my intrusive thoughts, as she grinned widely. “But if you stay here for a night, I will help you find Aurora quicker.”

👑👑👑

 The decision that Henry and I made was easy to formulate. Madame Gemma gave us a choice in which we could not say no to, and so of course, we would be staying in for the night. 

 The four of us followed the bearded man, in which I found out was named Gary. He was cheerful whenever he spoke, and a dimple peeks on his left cheek whenever he smiled. He was quite comfortable to be with, and that was why I was grateful that he would be the one touring us around the pub. 

“So, this is where I mostly lived. Madame Gemma trusts me with the roundabouts here in the pub,” Gary says as we climb up the narrow stairs. “She did not have much of a choice when she hired me. Customers were flocking in everywhere right after that incident with the rabbit!” 

I was breathless when we reached the last step, but Gary did not even sweat a bit for he continued talking, without a moment of pause. “Y’know that old rabbit? That bloody bugger! The pub boomed because of him but I would say he is still the bloody worst!”

“This first storey used to be full of bedrooms, but ever since the old rabbit happened, we had to transform this into another lobby.” The first floor looked exactly like the ground floor, but with more tables and people. Chattering noises filled the room as we continued walking towards another flight of stairs. 

Instead of observing the floor, my eyes remained on Gary. My curiosity was growing because of his repeated mention of that rabbit. 

“Now, your room is in the fifth storey. It is a bit unorganized and less pretty than the ones below it because it is still on the works.” 

As we continued taking flight of stairs one after the other, my chest started to heave deeply. I had never experienced climbing like this, and all I could say was that it was dreadful. Still, Gary looked fine. 

“-- do not worry because you can always go to the lobby and request for food. We only ask for donations so payment should not be--”

“Would you like some water?” The prince’s soft, feathery voice reached my ears, blocking Gary’s. I almost jumped because of our proximity to one another.

“Yes, thank you.” I had never gotten this close with anyone besides my Godmothers, but the experience made me think of getting as far away from him as possible because my stomach suddenly fluttered without a rational reason.

Henry handed me the flask with a grin splattered upon his mouth. “You look like you are going to faint,” he teased.

“I am not the one sweating buckets, Your Highness.” I chuckled when he wiped away the sweat that was dripping at the side of his face. It may not look like it, but I, too, am sweating behind these layers of dress. 

Gary opened a room at the end of the fifth storey. It has two beds at the corner, and an opened balcony at the other. As Gary had said, it was not as pretty as the ones that we passed by because the walls were unpainted, leaving a dull, gray area. It was carpeted, however, like the rest of the building was.

“This is where you’ll be staying. The room beside this is occupied by a pretty lady and her lover. They are good people, a bit shy, but mostly good, yeah.”

When Gary left, he took the air of comfort with him, leaving us with only the awkwardness. It was absurd to feel uncomfortable with Henry for we had been together for a week now. However, he looked like he does not feel the same way as I do for he started roaming around the room.

Instead of just standing there in an awkward manner, I decided to do the same.

“Isn’t it amazing how Madame Gemma built all of this?” I started to say to minimize the deafening silence around us.

“You should build one like this, too, Cola! Eos, Kalare, and I could be your Gary.” I chuckled at Scylla’s enthusiasm. It was impossible, but her dream for us sounded beautiful and comforting.

“You’ll just scare the customers off, Scylla, so do not hope for it.” Kalare giggled. “But isn’t it unnatural for a Godmother to not have a kingdom to serve?”

“I thought so, too! Do you think Madame Gemma was lying when she said she was a Godmother? She could be Aurora’s mother, for all we know, and was only here to sabotage us.” Eos seconded, adding dreadful statements after the other.

Doubt started to creep in my mind. “Do you really think so? But Madame Gemma does not look like Queen Leah. I do not think she is Aurora’s mother,” I reasoned.

“It has been twelve years since anyone last saw Queen Leah. Who knows what she looks like today?” Eos’ rational reply made me speechless. He could be right, and that made it scary.

I glanced over Henry to see his reaction. He may not understand my friends’ language, but he was always quick to understand things, despite the lack of information. At one look, he already knew that I was asking for his opinion, and so, he spoke, "Madame Gemma is not Queen Leah, if that's what you and your friends are thinking."

"I have heard about her from my brother, Prince Ambroise. She was the Godmother who escaped King Tevias. It was shocking news to everyone that a mage did that. King Tevias put a ransom for her head, did you know? But no one found her."

"Are you sure that's Madame Gemma?" What he said was surprising because no mage ever tried to escape their kingdoms, but we could not be sure that it was really her.

Henry nodded. "King Tevias is King Stefan's distant relative. If your Godmothers served King Stefan, then it is correct to conclude that their cousin, Madame Gemma, was the mage who escaped."

"His explanation sounded convincing," Kalare says. 

It does sound convincing. Nevertheless, all I could think of was why. Why did she run away from her responsibilities? She was a powerful mage, and mages were supposed to serve their kings and their kingdoms. Mages, unlike me, have privileges that are equal to a noble. Foods, parties, education, freedom to travel. 

How could she give that all up?

Albeit her pub provides comfort and shelter for others, but… I do not understand clearly.

My train of thoughts was abruptly interrupted by a knock on the door. Madame Gemma's sweet smile welcomed us when she opened it without hesitation. "Constanza, dear, could you help me in the kitchen? I hear from my cousins that you are a good cook."

"Of course."

"Splendid!" She turned to my friends before the two of us left. "Do not worry, you lot. You can meet the people in the pub while Constanza and I prepare for our food. Find Gary if you need anything."

"Thank you for your kindness, Madame Gemma!" Scylla bid as the door closed behind us.

"Constanza, tell me about the dishes you like to cook."

"Hmm." I hummed, thinking. "Well, I have been studying how to cook creamed fish lately…" 

"That sounds wonderful. Let us cook that, then?" 

I smiled. "Of course." It has been a long time since I cooked. Maybe this will help in calming my mind; the last few days were not exactly calming and fulfilling.

"We could also cook spit-roasted steaks and pair it with a wine or an ale. And a custard tart for our dear Gary. What do you say?"

"That sounds lovely, Madame." 

The pub's kitchen was anything but elegant and gorgeous. Every nook and cranny were shining from neatness, and everything was so organized. The drawers. The pile of plates and spoons and forks. The 

A cook's dream kitchen, I would say. 

Madame and I washed our hands before she started taking out the ingredients hidden in a cupboard. Everything looked fresh, and how I wish I had these resources back in my hut. 

Madame Gemma gave me the almonds, which needed to be grounded in order to cook the best creamed fish. "Tell me, how are my cousins?" She broke the ice between us.

"They are living in the castle. They are currently helping the King and his visitors for a celebration."

"I see. They are still serving Stefan," she murmured in utter disappointment as she poached the fishes with saltwater. "Well, that was expected, but still disappointing."

"Why is it disappointing, if you do not mind me asking." Was it really disappointing to hear that her cousins were serving loyally into a kingdom and living like nobles?

"The life in the palace as a mage was not as easy and happy as everyone thinks. There are consequences in serving kings that should have never been kings." Madame Gemma shook her head disapprovingly. "People always said that living as a mage is a dream. It is definitely not."

"What consequences?" I queried in a soft voice, both curious and afraid of what I might hear.

I always thought that mages had it easy, but hearing Madame Gemma's words started to break that belief.

She poured the fishes' cooking liquid into the almonds that I grounded before speaking, "For one, your morality. Mages could not hurt a person, unless it was ordered by their king, and trust me, a lot of kings wanted to hurt a lot of people. I had to torture poor men and women. I had to listen to their begging and screams. Over time, I learned to deal with it, but my guilty conscience could not stand it anymore.

"And then next, your freedom. It is a load of bull when they said that mages have it. We could not even leave the king's side!" Madame Gemma placed two separate wooden bowls in front of us, dropping it hardly on the table with a loud 'thud'.

"But you know what the crappiest thing of all was?" Madame Gemma asked. This conversation is becoming too personal for her; I know because I can feel the emotions in every word she spoke. "Male mages do not need to do such things. They are not required to serve a king. They are out there, enjoying the pleasure of magic without question."

"But mages are supposed to…" My words trailed, unable to continue. 

I could not believe the unfairness of it, of everything. I believed that my Godmothers were living like queens in the castle, but all this time, they were there as slaves, doing the king's bidding because it was their responsibility.

Madame Gemma gently dropped her hands on the table and looked at me using her deep gaze. "Women, not just mages, always had it worst in this broken world, Constanza."

"We are not allowed to be educated, we are only deemed as a man’s prized possession, someone who can produce their children, someone who can be flailed around in parties for showing off,” she continued as she squeezed the fish’s liquid into one of the bowls tightly, as if taking her anger all out on the poor fish. “And if we cannot produce children? They would not think twice to replace us with a woman who can.”

“I did not know about this…” The books I have read always made it seem like women were fancy and elegant, living their best life together with their love. I thought that women, especially the noble ones, were open to knowledge and opportunities. 

“Is that why you escaped?” I whispered, finally understanding it all.

Madame Gemma stopped in a halt on what she was doing. She looked at me with scrutiny and surprise in her brown hazelnut eyes. “There are a lot of reasons why I escaped, but yes, the unjust system is one of them.”

The conversation with Madame made my head spin with various thoughts and realizations. I had always thought that the world outside my hut was beautiful and peaceful; I always wished to experience being a normal lady, but now… I am not so certain.

Madame Gemma and I continued our discourse as we continued cooking the dishes. She told me that her pub started out as a small hut who was willing to welcome anyone in need, and then grew bigger as time passed by. She had met various people with different stories to tell. She once met a Duchess who escaped the comforts of her home to explore and study, and it was one of the most inspiring stories she had ever heard.

By the time that we were done cooking, the stories that she and I had shared were plentiful. Gary also finished prepping up the tables and chairs outside and informed us that the people were ready to eat.

Once we had exited the kitchen, my eyes immediately dropped on my friends. They were sitting at one of the tables where old women were playing a game that I do not understand. It looked like Henry was playing, while Eos and Kalare rested on the prince’s left and right shoulders, and Scylla was on the top of the table, in front of him.

“He should move that piece if he does not want to get beaten,” I heard Eos spoke from afar.

Scylla shook her head disapprovingly. “Oh heavens, he is not moving it. Henry’s going to lose!”

“The two of you are aware that he cannot understand us, right?” Kalare reminded them, which made me giggle unknowingly. 

My friends were adorable.

“Cola! You are finally here! Can you please tell this prince to move his piece on the corner? He’s losing and he still doesn’t play correctly,” Eos stated. “You know what? Let me speak to him directly so he can hear how idiot he is ever since this game of alquerques started.”

I laughed completely. I could not believe that they were so concerned about the prince’s game. It was wonderful to see them finally getting comfortable with Henry. 

Even before I could deliver Eos' message to the prince, a melody played from the front. Musicians were on the stage, preparing for a song, which made my small heart jump in excitement.

This would be my first time hearing live music...

Gary started handing out plates of food as the musicians started to strum their guitars and hum their voices. The sound was so pleasant to the ears that even the players of alquerques paused to watch.

It seemed like Henry finally took notice of me, too, for he whispered, “You’re here. I did not notice. Come and have a seat.” He pulled out a chair beside him and I sat there willingly.

They said, “You don’t belong here.”

All I could do was accept

The words that were thrown at me like 

A knife

The singer was full of emotions right from the start. Every word felt real, and hurtful. Gary arrived at our table and handed us a couple of plates. He also gave three small ones for Eos, Kalare, and Scylla.

“Thank you, Gary,” I whispered, and he replied with a smile.

What else could I do?

I did everything just to

Feel loved

Feel free

“You will not eat, yet, Cola?” Henry whispered in a deep tone, but I am too lost in the song to even understand what he was saying.

“What?”

“I asked if you will not eat yet.”

“Oh. Right.” I nodded, finally snapping back into reality, but something was still bothering me. A feeling in the gut I could not shake ever since I had that conversation with Madame Gemma.

Was this journey still relevant? Was it still worthy to fight for my life? Even if I find the princess, my life would still be at King Stefan’s mercy. Even if I did find her, I would still not be free. My life would still come back to the way it was, uneventful and lonely.

So… what was the point of surviving, if I was only existing and not living at all?