Sam’s POV

You look perfect. Seriously, Sam? You could’ve said “You look good” but no! Perfect is the first thing that came into you. Really? I’m so stupid, my brain is stupid and my mouth is stupid.

“Are you okay?” my mom asked me.

“What?” I was so deep in my thoughts right now.

“Are you having trouble at school?”

“No, mom. School is fine” I hope so. But I don’t want to make her worry anymore.

I was planning on visiting Cindy in her house. I have to explain to her what happened. Not my condition though. She doesn’t need to know that.

“I’m going for a walk” I told my mom. She and Sophie are watching Frozen right now.

“Okay. Careful, honey!”

I didn’t get to talk to Cindy. The lights are already off when I passed by their house. Maybe they’re already sleeping.

I looked at my watch, 10:14 PM. It’s already late but I don’t want to go home yet. I just want to lay here and clear my mind. I don’t want to think of anything else. For years, I’ve been scared. Until now, I still don’t get to sleep properly. I always wake up at night. I still dream of it. I am trying every single day since we came back. I am trying to forget every thing that happened. I just want it all to get away.

“Wow. That is so dark” I looked at Isabella.

“But it’s really good”

We are in Art class right now. Our teacher asked us to draw what are we feeling right now.

I drew a person sitting in a tiny darkroom. Knees curled up on the body. I know how to draw, sketch and paint. Obviously, I got it from my mom. But only the basics. It is way too far from my mom’s works. She’s the professional.

“Thanks” I simply said.

“Have you written anything in your journal?”

I shook my head no. I wanted to say yes so I won’t offend her or anything. But I can’t lie to her.

“Same here”

She sat beside me.

“But I had fun last Saturday. Your sister is really cute. She can’t stop talking”

We both laughed. Sophie won’t stop talking when we went out. I was so embarrassed at Isabella but she was totally okay with it.

“You should do that more often you know” I looked at her confused.

“Talking. You should talk more like your sister”

I didn’t answer her.

“Anyways, Cindy wants to meet you at lunch. I’m giving you a heads up in case she tried to hug you again”

I peeked at her. She’s possibly still thinking about what happened last time.

“Thanks” I said.

She stood up.

“And you should get a phone. You know, for communication”

I chuckled at what she said.

I’m at my usual spot at the cafeteria. I’m already here for a week. Aside from Aunt Amy, my teachers and Isabella, I haven’t spoken to anyone here on the campus. Until someone sat in front of me. She has a wide smile on her face and just stares at me. When I realized it was Cindy, I immediately smiled at her.

“I can’t believe you’re back”

“I didn’t recognize you though” I said.

“Me too! I just heard it from Belle”

And then I remember what happened. I suddenly felt guilty.

“Sorry about the last time”

“Nah. It’s cool. It was my fault”

I just smiled at her.

“Listen, if you need something just tell me okay? You can sit with me during lunch if you want”

“It’s okay. I’m more comfortable when I’m alone” I immediately regret that. She might get offended.

“That’s not what I meant. I just don’t want to waste anyone’s time”

“Sam, it’s me okay? I’m still your friend” she wanted to reach for my hand but I hid it under the table.

“Talk to me anytime okay? I won’t mind” she stood up.

“I’m glad you’re back” she smiled and went back to her table.

I saw a girl and a guy looking at me from Isabella’s table. I don’t recognize them from any of my class. Thank god for that. They are obviously the type of students who mess with everyone. Mental note: Stay away.

“How was school, honey?” I am washing dishes right now. My mom just got from work.

“It was good. I talked to Cindy”

“Our neighbor Cindy?”

“Yeah. She’s the class president. And she’s still nice”

My mom walks towards me and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

“I’m glad you’re making friends. What’s the name of the girl Sophie was talking about?” she asked.

“That was Isabella. We’re not friends. She’s just my partner in a project”

“Well, you can be friends with her, honey. Sophie told me she was really nice”

I can’t be friends with her. She’s too much for me. She’s totally above me. She will never be friends with an weirdo like me.

“I have to do my homework”

I went upstairs. Took a shower and did my homework. I looked into my journal. I haven’t written anything yet. Mr. Bilson was very considerate when I told him I haven’t started yet. Turns out Isabella didn’t write anything too. He told us to talk to each other. We don’t want to be left behind on this project.

I stared at the journal. I am trying to think of word to describe Isabella. I can’t just write words that describe her physically. I think the whole school is well aware of her physical facets.

Perfect.

I mentally slapped myself. Enough with that word! Why did I even say that? Focus, Sam.

But how am I going to describe someone I barely even know? Yes we talk sometimes. But it’s all about school stuff. I hung out with her once outside school. I don’t think that’s enough. I should ask her to meet after class. But how? I don’t really talk to her. She’s always the first one to talk to me.

I put my journal on my back pack. I lay in bed. Don’t think too much, Sam. It’s for the project. You have to do it for the project.