Ellery’s POV

"GIVE ME a hand, Ellery." Luke excitedly said.

I don't know why he was so happy that he even fetches me from the office and ask me to have coffee with him.

Because he was friends with the lady boss, it is easy for him to ask Ms. Suzette if I can get out of work earlier than I should. He invited me for coffee.

Seeing him happy makes me happy as well. Sure, this happiness was not because of being the new heir. As a matter of fact, he did not want to work with SGC. So I was inquisitive about the reason for his happiness.

I can see the joy in his warm, penetrating eyes. And considering that he asked me out after more than a month of being busy, why wouldn't I be happy? As a matter of fact, I felt excited. I can't wait to hear the good news he was about to tell.

"A hand, for..." I smiled and waited for his answer.

"For a wedding plan. Lindsay and I, we're getting married next month."

Those were like bombs that repeatedly blowing up to my very ears. It felt like my whole world suddenly collapsed.

What did he say? Did I hear it right?

I don't know how I manage to hold my tears and smile to every story he told me about how he and Lindsay ended up together. The information he told me before was all about how Lindsay rejected his love so many times. That he was confused with Lindsay’s changeable treatments towards him.

And I thought the reason was that Lindsay just wanted to piss me off.

I still remember how I prayed so much that he would notice me too. I hoped he sees me as a woman he can love and will love him more than he can.

I remember wishing him to see me like a woman he can offer love and answered his love too. I remember wishing him to forget everything about Lindsay and see the invisible me.

I never thought ...

I mean, how the hell they ended up being together? They even get into marrying?

And what about me? I loved him and never stopped loving him up until now.

He keeps on telling me stories about them and about himself. I just found out now that he only does part-time graphic design because he is already at SGC and took over his older brother's position. I was not even able to ask what happened to his older brother. I am not in the mood to ask. Actually, I am also not in the mood to listen to what he says. But I have to endure the pain. I don't want him to know I'm hurting. Because, as far as he knows, it's okay with me that we are just friends.

It is the first time in forever that I am grateful he said goodbye immediately because there was a sudden call of duty. I was able to cry all the pain. It's hard to hold the sobs. So I left the cafeteria immediately. I just walked without an exact destination. I did not even think of taking out my car from the parking area. I could feel the tears welling up in my face. The rain continued to fall. At first, it was just small raindrops that fell on my hair, shoulders, and arm, until it poured out loud. It was as if the bad weather had accompanied my resentment and pain I was feeling right now. And I have lost interest in whether there is a storm or have not. The pain was also storming inside me. It was pouring strong and deep. Why do I feel such a feeling? And who should I blame for this pain? Is it Luke? He, who didn't ask me to love him. Or is it me and my heart, who was a fool to love him still, even though I know he can't love me back?

I wish I can say the line from Bea's movie.

At this moment, I felt like those lines were as if made for me.

"Ako nalang. Ako nalang ang mahalin mo. Ako nalang ulit."

(Choose me. Love me again. Choose me again.)

But then there's no "again" between Luke and me. Because even from the beginning, I knew I had chosen the wrong path.

I once heard that childhood mistakes shaped us into adulthood. That when we stumble, we will learn to stand up and never make the same mistake again. But why is it not like that in my case? I haven't learned from the mistakes I made. I fell so many times but failed to pull myself up and get my shits together. I failed in learning how to fix the same damage I did and still doing, over and over again.

I am not saying it was wrong that I loved him. But, it was wrong that I chose to still love him even though I knew I would only be hurt.

"Can’t you love me, Luke? I wouldn’t ask for much. Even just ten percent will be fine. I’ll be the one to fill the rest of it. Just give it a try."

I hope I can tell him that. But it’s too late. He’ll get married soon, to my sister. And it only pained me more that I still want to love him. I still don't want to give up. Even if I know my hopes of him loving me back were gone, I still decided to keep him inside here ... inside my heart.

I arrived at the bus station without realizing it. I don’t even know what time it was. Stunned while watching the passengers also waiting for the upcoming available bus. I have a car, but I did not mind using it or taking it out from the parking area.

I am standing in the middle of the rain as if I didn't feel the chills down to my bones. I am still in shock. Well, I just came from crying for a long hour, after I met up with the man who caused all the pain and bitterness I feel now—as bitter as the coffee he gave me earlier. The words were always in my head. I keep hearing them. And I keep feeling the unfathomable pain.