Dear Britney,

Yesterday at the tree house was such a bullshit of Harry of telling me something that really shocked me. Now, we’re in the conflagration awkwardness. I can’t look at Harry in the eyes, not anymore. The way he look at me is like he really like me, I can see it the way he look at me but his mouth is telling differently. Honestly, I just want to go home and sleep in my room for days, weeks, months, or maybe years.

We’re in the activity area continuing the song they’d started from yesterday while I was sleeping in the room. Since Harry is, obviously one of the leaders he too monitor of us, the composers, including me. I grab the piece of paper looking at the words written untidily.

“Is this a love song?” I asked to no one.

“Yes.” Harry answers me. “You’re not here yesterday that’s why you didn’t know what we talked about.”

I look at Landon and he walk closer to me. He says something what they talked about yesterday. “Since a lot of our composers here writes love songs we’ve decided to write a love song.” He pat me on my shoulder before leaving.

“I know you can catch up.” Harry says to me.

I force a smile to him not looking directly at him. He get the clue that I don’t want to talk to him but he continues to annoy the hell out of me by keep on talking to me. Instead of talking to him I look at the paper and read the lines of the lyrics they’ve wrote for a hundredth time just to ignore him completely.

All roses died

Skies raining

Rivers keep flowing

And time stopped turnin’

“Why does this song written like this?” I look at the campers.

And everyone is looks at me like I have to repeat what I’ve said. I can’t paint the look in their eyes and their faces just crumpled in the big question mark reaction.

“I mean, if this is a love song why does the lyrics looks like they broke up or something bad happened between the two characters inside of this song.” I say gesturing my hands. “What’s the inspiration to this song?”

Everyone is quiet for a while. I don’t want to act like a leader but they seem not to know what to do. I looked at the lyrics again and the words written on the paper doesn’t make sense but I don’t want to hurt their feelings because these words came from their brainstorming while I was not there, so I didn’t voiced it out. They might misconstrued me.

Finally Harry speak up. “We just gather all the words that sounds good together.”

I gave him quizzical look and to everyone in disbelief I’m so disgusted on what he just said. Some of the people in this room knows how to write a song and even the people who didn’t write knows how to conduct a perfect meaningful words and not just to put the letters together without an inspiration. I cover my mouth to stop myself from screaming the words OH MY GOD. I stood from where I’m sitting and gasps some air.

I walk towards Harry while speaking. “I don’t want to sound bossy so please.” Then I stop in front of him. “Don’t misconstrued me.”

Harry nods his head. “You’re a writer right?” I asks him and he nods again.

Then I ask the same question to the faces claiming that they’re a songwriter and they all answer the same ‘yes’.

“There are a lot of you who claims to be a writer.” I said while pacing the floor and all eyes are pinned in me. “But what the heck you just said that you just combined all the beautiful words that sounds good together?!” I know this time I’m yelling the words out loud. “That’s not what a writers does. A writer has an inspiration and a story to tell!”

They’re all quiet for a moment. I walk towards Casey “Why did you sing the song you sang?”

“When they asked us to sing our original composition?” Casey asks.

“Yes.”

“My boyfriend died,” she hesitates like her lungs is throttled. “with lung cancer.”

Words just flashes on my mind, I can see the letters dancing in front of my eyes. I rush to the table and grab the pen and a new sheet of paper, looking at the crap paper they’ve written the words that came from nothing.

All roses died

Skies turned to rain

Rivers stopped to flow

And time stopped turnin’

I look at Lex, I told him to play the chords and told him to sing the new lyrics I’ve wrote. Neal clap until everyone is clapping. I asks them one by one what’s their inspiration of singing and what are their doing in this camp: some of the campers says because they want to learn more in music, some answers with to enhance their talent, some answers because of their dream. I come with the idea to write something about reaching our dreams together. Then we all agree. As soon as we agreed we gathered new information to each other, including the band, to write our inspiration of joining the camp. Writing, Harry sits beside me then I stood and pretends to pace while thinking what to write even though I’m already done. Thirty minutes had passed we combine all the answers and create a new music using those words that we wrote together. Neal and Landon are the music director, they plays some random music on the keyboard and guitar to make a sound. It’s so poppy that I can’t stand the sound I suggests to put some bass and the result is fantastic. Harry and Zach arranges the lyrics we’re all astounded by the arrangement that they did. We all help with the arrangement of the song, some of the campers suggest to add something to the lyrics or the instrument to make the song better. It’s so cool to watch and listen to the song that we created. After five hours of retouching the song we’re done! We called it ‘Dreaming is Free’.

After we finish the song, we eat snack. While in the kitchen I can hear the whispers of the girls on my back calling me ‘bossy’. Helping the lads, when they said that they need some help to the campers who writes a song, is being bossy. I clenches my hands into a fist calming myself to the offenders in my back. I fear I would eat their faces out. Zara notices my fist. She looks at the back in an attempt to yell at them. I hold her hand and smile.

“Don’t mind them.” I say.

She smile back. “I will never see them again after this camp, though. Why bother to be affected to what their saying?” I added.

Arya agrees on me. I don’t want a fight after this. I don’t want to start a fight if I know to myself that none of what their saying is true.

Elise.