loves a game, wanna play?

It’s been forever since I thought about who I am. The last time I actually thought about it was when I was turning 16. I was at a friend's house getting ready for a party that her boyfriend was hosting. My good friend Zoe at the time decided that they should dazzle me up for my crush. I honestly thought that what they were doing was a waste of their time. No one like Parker would come up to a plain old, not pretty, overweight girl, and say something like ‘Hey, I think you’re pretty, wanna be my girlfriend?’ I’ve tried to tell them that but they laugh it off and continue with my make-up. When they got done they dragged me to the car with Zoe’s 6 inch platform stilettos. I tried to tell them I didn’t want to wear the shoes, the mini skirt, and a crop top because it made me look like a hooker. Zoe shot me a look of apology, which confused me at the time. When we pulled up to the house, everybody got out except for me. Anabel came up to the door and wondered out loud why I didn’t come out with them. I told her point blank that I didn’t feel comfortable wearing this in front of Parker or any one else in that matter. She just scoffed and yanked me out of the car. I tried to get over my fear. I was still shaking, terrified. That was until Zoe came up to me and whispered in my ear saying that I shouldn’t be scared. That Parker likes me, that I need to walk in there confidently and just wait until he comes up to me and pulls me away. so I said ok and did just that. When I walked in there everyone stopped talking and looked at me. I have a feeling they didn’t know who I was. Once I saw Parker he looked at me shocked and started towards me. Anabel started giggling and said ‘he’s all yours.’ I nodded my head and met him by the bathroom door. He opens the bathroom door and pulls me in. The next thing I know is that I'm rushing out the bathroom with tears running down my face. Then I hear the bathroom door slam open. someone grabs me from behind aggressively and whispers in my ear telling me that no one will ever love me. Definitely not in the near future. I elbow him away from me and run out the front door.

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I yank myself out of that horrible dream. but then I remember, it wasn’t just a dream, it was an old memory from 8 years ago. It has still haunted me since that day, and I just wish it would go away. I grew up but I’m still overweight for my age.

A sharp tap at my front door brought me out of my thoughts. I opened the door and noticed Rowan standing there. (Rowan is my gay best friend). What’s going on?

“You don’t even remember? That’s very sad for you, my freshly turned 24 year old, best friend of all time.”

I just stared at him running through what he said to understand. “uhg! you couldn’t have at least given me a warning instead of banging on my door like you were the popo.” “how would I be able to. you don’t have a phone for me to contact you!” “It’s not my fault I don't have the money to get one! but you could’ve told Amy, my roommate!” Today is my birthday. and the dreams have gotten worse every year on my birthday. “Here's your birthday present. Open if you want to. It’s either now or later. But I have a feeling you’ll want to open it now.” he grinned his cheeky grin.

I rolled my eyes and said “let me see it!” He pulled me to the couch and gave me a rectangle box that had wrapping paper on it. It felt kind of heavy and that piqued my curiosity so I tore at the paper and dropped the box when I saw what he bought me. “Dude! Don’t drop it like that, you don’t want cracks on it already!” i pulled the phone out of the box and squealed. The phone already had a case on it, and it was my favorite picture from the internet.