She sat at the dinning table with her parents, silently eating her breakfast. It was her first day in a new school, a new place and one of the most important grades. She was in 11th grade and in her race to maintain the first position, she knew this grade meant everything. 

        "When's your send-up exam?"her dad asked. "Uhm it's nearly around the corner, although I don't know about Attock's (new school's slang name) system but I'll be asking the teachers about the date sheet...they'll fill me in." She nodded at her dad. She wasn't ready to take a new start after spending such precious years with her friends in her previous school. 

        "Emel, remember you might even have to study for eighteen hours in this grade but it's for your own good." Mrs.Tariq reminded her of the dreadful routine she was taking on. "I know mom." She sighed. 

        It was 7:30 am. She was getting impatient, the school bus was getting late. Emel looked up at the clock again and again. "Don't worry, if the bus doesn't arrive on time, I'll drop you myself,"Colonel Tariq comforted her. She smiled at him. "I hope we get a call from Asher soon, he's coming back today and I don't know how his exam went."Mrs.Tariq showed her worry. Asher had also gone for ISSB in Kohat, KPK, Pakistan. He was going for PMA (Pakistan Military Academy) like Ahmed. The only thing they didn't know yet was that Ahmed had also applied. 

        For the past few years, the families hadn't been in contact as they used to be. Colonel Tariq was posted to Karachi and Ahmed's dad, Brigadier Mehmood Bakhshi, was posted in GHQ (General Head Quarter) for most of the time. Their time tables didn't match quite often and eventually as time passed by, the kids lost contact. Ahmed and Asher were together on Instagram and other social platforms but Emel and Ahmed hadn't seen each other since their last interaction on that dinner. 

        "Sumaira,"Colonel Tariq called his wife as he received a text on his phone. She looked over at him through the kitchen counter for him to continue. The man had a proud smile on his face. Emel understood the notion. This was it, Asher was one of the 600 guys who got selected out of the whole population each year. She felt her nervousness fade away the moment her dad announced the news.

        "I got a text from my course mate in the Inter Services Committee." Colonel Tariq stood up from his chair, "Asher's among the selected ones!"He beemed with happiness. Emel ran up to her mom and hugged her,"I can't believe it!"she exclaimed. Her mom hugged her back,"I knew he will make it." She kissed her daughter's forehead. 

        Asher was on his way back to surprise his parents about his selection but he got surprised on his arrival. He reached by 4 pm. Emel was already back from college. 

        "I knew my son could do it!"Mrs.Tariq hugged him. He hugged her back as he told them the whole story. They sat in the T.V lounge after dinner and Asher started talking about how tough and hectic the routine was. Emel was sitting on the ground, her books were spread all across the floor. She kept on glancing at her brother from time to time. He noticed her books but he was a bit too busy with his story. Their parents left them after an hour and went to bed. Asher sat in his place, scrolling his Instagram.

        "I hate studying,"Emel mumbled to herself.

        "Hmm?"Asher peeked at her. "Nothing,"she whispered and went on cursing the questions she was doing. Asher skid from the sofa and sat beside her. He noticed that her hand writing was as gibberish as ever. He smiled at it. "You joined college here?"

        Emel looked up at her brother,"Yeah...it's pretty big and hectic." Asher nodded his head,"I remember Ahmed was here an year ago." 

        "Ahmed?"

        "Ahmed, my childhood friend?You remember him right?"He inquired. Emel nodded with a smile,"I do...that nosy kid with hazel eyes." He laughed,"I remember you two could never get along."

        "Oh he was the one who had a problem with me-"

        "No no, you gave him the red chili and buttermilk with jalapenos,sis,"Asher pointed out to her. Emel broke up in a small laughter,"I remember that...poor kid."

        "Well why don't you talk to him?He might know some kids here, he did his 12th and 11th in your college." Emel shrugged,"It's not co-ed so I can't say anything."

        "I'll ask him if he has anyone he knows here or if he can guide you,"Asher told her. She looked over at her brother,"You're joining PMA...lucky you."

        Asher smirked,"Obviously...I was born lucky."

        "Don't!"Emel rolled her eyes,"I have hundreds of stories about you failing at almost everything you did in your life. I can start with your high school report cards. If you want a reminder."She grinned at him. Asher pushed her,"Not my fault I wasn't born with Einstein's brain." He got up,"Besides I don't need grades, I need looks and strength and I have those." 

        "Grades matter a lot."Emel claimed. Asher gawked at her,"I can see that it matters to you, no wonder you don't have any friends."

        Silence filled the room. She didn't know how to react, but she also knew he was saying the truth. Asher parted his lips to apologize but he wasn't feeling it. He walked out of the room instead.

        Emel silently watched her brother leave. It was odd that such a bright kid like her, had turned so dull.

        She was a nerd now, not what her childhood self would have assumed to be one day. The devilish child had become tamed and timid. She had grown quite and kept things to herself. Asher often noticed her being in the corner and staying away from the crowd. She had three friends in previous school and they were the epitome of her story.

        If you wanted to see Emel smile or laugh, just put her in a room with those three. Aimen, Maira and Maryam, these three were her best friends and they knew Emel inside out. For them she was a very ambitious person but for the world she was a mannequin. 

        Emel collected her books and went to her room. Tomorrow was Saturday so she knew she had time to get some extra sleep. She checked her phone. There weren't any notifications. She opened up her insta after a week. She had a secret public account where she posted anonymous articles. None of her best friends or her family members knew of it. She had a huge fan following up there.

        She was already at 26.5K within an year of the account. Her Dms were filled with her readers requesting and appreciating her work. People had started noticing her account when she posted an article about mental health and anxiety. She felt a victim to it. She was only sixteen and she was facing mental health issues. Only that she was scared of opening up to her parents, they'd never understand in her point of view.

        "Ahmed." She looked over to the small box by her dressing table. It had that doll he gave her. She still had it. Nearly seven years had passed and it was untouched and still in perfect shape. She smiled at her childish thoughts that he'd have the shepherdess even though he was the one who gave her the doll.

        "I need to end biology before physics..."she thought to herself before she fell asleep in her own world of dreams, a world where no one was going to bother her. A world where she felt free and herself. Well she had expected to dream about her joy land but instead she dreamed about the red chili incident with Ahmed. She woke herself up at 3 am in the morning. Asher's snores could be heard from the room across the hall.

        "Why of all people?"she mumbled. "Never mind." She got up and laid her prayer mat. There was still time to offer tahajud ( a prayer/Salah offer at the middle of the night after waking up) and raised her hand for prayer.

        She felt empty, silent and hollow inside. She knew she was doing what was planned for her since her childhood but she didn't know if this was the right thing. Her heart didn't seem to rest. She wanted to be happier, to be at peace but somehow there was something inside her that kept her mind filled with thoughts and her life surrounded with worries. Worries only she knew she had. She considered herself detached from the world.

        She had a lot of questions to ask from Allah (God) but somehow she couldn't bring herself to. She offered the prayer hollowly and went back to bed, but all she could think of in her mind was how could she be truly happy without having to worry about anyone or anything.

~

♡"I'll wait for you. And I'll keep on waiting for you, even if it takes forever. I'll be here, right here...till you let me be the one."♡