When people say that love can make you do insane things you wouldn't normally do,  I guess they were all stating a fact. Love, as they say, is the most wonderful thing we could ever experience but some of us tend to forget that love has a way of leading us to do things we later regret. We do things we think are the best for us... We sometimes sacrifice in the name of love... So insane, isn't it?

Since I was a child, I've been taught to never lie about my emotions and to always be true to myself. Honesty was instilled in me as a child. And I never imagined in my entire life that I would be able to defy all of those principles simply because I fell in love.

It wasn't my intention to lie or hide my true feelings; it's simply that I can't bring myself to admit my feelings because I'm frightened that confessing my feelings will jeopardize the friendship that I've treasured for my whole 19-year existence.

I didn't mean to lie or hide my true feelings, I just couldn't afford to disclose them for fear of losing the friendship I've treasured for 19 years. It is a tough decision to make, but if keeping my feelings a secret allows me to stay with the person whom I adore for a longer period of time, I'm fine with it. Even if we wind up simply being friends for the rest of our lives, I can settle with that as long as I am with him.

"You came," Jared remarked as soon as he spotted me getting closer to him. 

We are actually perched on the edge of a mountain. Considering how stunning the sight is, he insists we have our conversation here. I even traveled 20 minutes just to reach this place. But he wasn't mistaken, the view is indeed breathtaking for I can see the city lights beneath and the stars above, it is just so fascinating but I rather just stare at him than this scenery, for he is more breathtaking to look at. 

 I greeted him with a smile and gave him my whole attention as I studied him.

The moon's brightness illuminated his whole feature, making him look soft and delicate from my sight. This is actually what I like about this man, he's not the same as others. Jared has soft features that every woman could envy. His skin is even much fairer than mine. The color of his lips contrasts sharply with the color of mine, which is paler. His nose is well sculpted, in contrast to mine, which is a bit of a mess—but I like it; it's cute. 

"I'm pleased to see you again," I uttered. 

It's been two long years since I and my best friend are apart from each other. He went abroad and just came back here to look for a job.

Smiling sweetly, he patted the empty space beside him. "Sit," he said.

I sat beside him, but he did something that caught me off guard. Because of his tight embrace, my heartbeat, which had been under control earlier, has gone berserk. I remained motionless for a few minutes before wrapping my arms around him. His embrace becomes more tightened, but it is not suffocating. Oh, God, how can his embrace be this cozy enough for me to feel his warmth?

"I have been missing you the whole time, Marie," he said as he tightens his hug on me.

I gulp. My heart was pounding with excitement again. I have been missing him too.

The moment we freed ourselves from the embrace, he gave me the purest smile he could offer. I smiled back, trying so hard to swallow the overflowing emotions of my heart. I want to hug him more, but I felt like I have no rights to do so I refrained myself from doing it, so I just continued smiling at him.

I laid down my back on the grass a moment after we exchanged our 'I miss yous" and other things that we have done for the past years that we are away.  The night sky is ablaze with glittering stars—as if they were rejoicing with us.

"Marie," Jared whispers.

I looked at him. He's now looking up at the sky as if he is counting the stars above. I bit my lower lip.

I never doubted that nature is God's finest creation, but I never imagined Jared could look so good into my eyes. He seems to represent the pinnacle of artistic achievement that God has permitted me to witness.

 I just wonder why would heaven let me see all the goodness in him if he isn't going to be mine? I was able to see his pure heart, but never would I be able to have a chance to hold it. I smiled bitterly to myself. Truly, there are some things in this world that are only meant to be seen with our eyes, just like Jared. I can adore him as much as I want, but he will never be mine.

"Hmmm?"

"Why are you still single till now?"

I suddenly held my breath because of his question. I was a little taken aback.

For a brief period, I burst out laughing.

"Seriously? So my status really bothers you, huh? Funny!" I asked teasingly. 

However, as soon as I noticed how serious his expression was, the smile on my face began to vanish. I bit the inside of my lower lip. My chest is pounding so loudly.  I wanted to avoid looking at him but I couldn't because his eyes seemed to absorb the remaining energy in my body. I felt sick.

"Nah, look, you're the most caring, loving, and honest person I've ever met-"

I cut him off. I blinked to hide how I really felt, then I averted my gaze.  "It's because I'm not Selena Gomez." And I'm in love with someone I'll never have. I almost confess if I haven't just realized what I was about to say. 

I heard him chuckle so I just focused my full attention on the sky. Because I was afraid of being consumed by his soothing stares. I might lose my control and kiss him.

"Eh? They're celebrities, you're different, you're Marie, with a lovely heart!"

I laughed quietly, still looking up.

I snapped my fingers. "That's it!" I said. My heart clenched. It hurts. "I only have a good heart, never had the good looks," I added.

Maybe one of the reasons why he doesn't like me back is because of how I look. I never had the good looks ... Or maybe I am beautiful but it's not enough to capture a man's attention.

"You are lovely," he said.

I turned my gaze to him. I just smiled simply.

"You're the only one who thinks that way," I said. "If I am beautiful as you say, why wouldn't someone likes me?"

"There is someone who adores you."

I couldn't take my gaze away from him. As I've been holding my breath, my heart is racing.

"Who?" I asked in hushed tones. 

We locked gazes on each other. I was unable to decipher what he was thinking. In any case, his eyes seemed to be glinting with some emotion that I couldn't define. Before I could decipher what's inside him, he looked away already. Simultaneously with the avoidance of his gaze was the ascent of a little hope in my heart.

"Ronald. He likes you, doesn't he?" My hopes earlier seemed to have shattered. 

I couldn't help but smile despite the resentment and sadness I was feeling.  I smiled sparingly even though he wasn't looking at me.

"Yeah. He likes me, but that was two years ago." And I rejected him because you already occupied my heart. 

That's something I wish to express to him. I wanted to confess, but my tongue tingled from fear. It scares me that he'll walk away from me if I admit it. I can't afford to lose him.

It's fine if I'm simply a friend to him at this point.  But a part of me wishes he'd get the idea that I'm into him. The fact that he would be aware that the only reason I remained single was because of him...

Although I am not expecting us to be an item, my heart is still wishing that we would be ...

 "It's far too late in the evening to talk now. Let's go home," I said before I got up from laying down. He followed after and put his arm on my shoulder. We walk together like that. 

I smiled secretly... As long as I'm breathing, my heart will always hope. Because that is love, you hope in things without certainty.

How I wish this night would never end.

To be continued...