Farah.

I can't believe I'm getting married today, it feels so surreal. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, dressed in the Ash Abaya, my face decorated with makeup, with henna on my both hands. I touched the gold bangles on my hands Mom gave me that papa has been keeping it for my marriage. I look totally different. A small drop of tear roll down my cheeks I wish papa was alive to witness this day, to see his daughter getting married.

The door flung open revealing my Mom dressed in her beautiful purple Camisole gown. I wiped off the tear not wanting to spoil my mom's mood she's very happy about the marriage. She trekked towards me, with a smile on her face.

"My daughter you look beautiful, I know if your papa was still alive he will be happy too" the tears I've been holding escaped.

"No Farah, don't... It will ruin your makeup" mom said wiping off the tear with her palms. I can't help it.

"I will miss you" she added.

"I will miss you too Mom" just then Yasmin came in clearing her throat.

"Okay,enough with the crying, the guest are waiting for the bride" Yasmin said happily. I suddenly felt nervous

"Let me go, you come together with Yasmin" Mom said and she went out leaving us two.

"Sis Farah, you look so beautiful, if jawad see's you he won't take his eyes off you" she chuckled if only what she said will be true.

We descended down, Yasmin holding me by my arm. My heart is suddenly beating faster. I heard the sound of people muttering 'masha Allah' my head is down all through. I'm damn nervous. I sat beside Jawad who is looking very handsome, as I watch him my heart skip a bit because of the way he looks at me, I can't read the expression on his face.

"So let's start" the imam said bringing us out of our trance.

After signing the marriage certificate the imam pronounced us husband and wife. Now I will live with jawad for the rest of my life.

•••

"Come on Farah, don't act like a kid, you're now a married woman" I held her tightly. My makeup is now ruined with too much crying. I don't want to leave my Mom. Holding my face, she kissed my forehead.

"My baby don't cry, its not like you're leaving us forever, in fact I know Khadija will take care of you like her daughter. So I want you to stop crying" mom said fake frowning, I know she's holding back her tears too, she's just pretending.

After Mother and daughter bonding, we drove off, now I'm left with jawad. I broke into another sob remembering how I left my family. Before we left I saw a drop of tears on Mom face I know she's holding it in. As for Yasmin we cried in each others arms not wanting to let go. I'm going to miss my family.

Throughout the drive Jawad didn't even glance at my direction. I know he's also being forced but he should at least show some respect. I wiped away the tears it’s of no use now.

As we enter the massive mansion we were greeted with the presence of the family, Aunt Khadija embraces me in a motherly hug.

"You look beautiful Farah" aunt said touching my cheeks

"Thank you" I muttered, not having more strength in my body.

After passing through all the welcoming things from jawad family, I was taken to my room or should I say our room.

My eyes linger at the big king size bed now I will be sharing room with jawad and that the same bed, just me and him. The thought made shiver ran down my spine.

I sat quietly on the bed contemplating on what to do next, since the time we came I didn't see jawad again Allah knows where he went off to.

I was deep in my thought when I heard sound of footsteps, I tried holding in my beating heart. He marched to the closet and took out some blanket. What is he using the blanket for? My inner mind asked. He dropped it on the floor.

"You should sleep on the couch because I don't share my bed" he said emotionless. What is this suppose to mean. I was just about to speak when he cut me off.

"And before you ask any further question let me make something clear for you, this marriage is absolutely nothing to me, Infact I agreed to this marriage because of my own reason, so don't give your hopes high about this marriage" he spitted. my body went weak hearing his statement.

Marching to the closet again, he took out some clothe and heed to the bathroom. He was about to enter then stopped.

"Oh and make sure this conversation stays between me and you, if you don't want to get yourself into trouble” with that he entered the bathroom closing the doors.

My body went completely weak, I don't know what to think, a painful tear escape me ya Allah what just happened. So this is what he meant that time, when he told me I will know him when we get married. All the smiles are fake.

It was suppose to be a night filled with happiness and peace but it seems I thought too highly about this marriage. Ya Allah.

I don't know for how long I sat there, totally shocked. Many thoughts we're running inside my mind. I turned at the bathroom door being opened. He was now dressed into a shirt and jeans, he didn't cast a single look to my direction. Slouching himself on the king sized bed, which is too big for him, he switched off the light not minding that I'm in the room.

I managed to get myself off the couch, taking my Nighties, I trekked quietly to the bathroom, glancing at him through my left eyes. I don't know if he's really sleeping or pretending to.

I changed out of my clothes, and did wudhu and prayed two Raka'at. Ya Allah, whatever hardship I'm going to encounter in this marriage make it easier for me.