They remained in that weird half-hug for a few long moments before Jian Lan was able to stand on his own.

“Thank you.” He said and a very faint blush brushed his face. This was their first time being physically so close. Xiulan’s body was unexpectedly warm, Jian was able to feel it despite the layers of clothes they were both wearing.

“Are you okay now? You can hold onto me if you need to.” Wen Xiulan’s voice became unnaturally soft and gentle that it made Jian Lan flinch a bit.

“Yes, don’t worry. This happens sometimes when my blood pressure is low.” He explained with a small, apologetic smile. “I’m just glad I didn’t drive today.” Jian muttered the last sentence to himself, but Xiulan’s sensitive ears caught it.

“I’ll take you home, where do you live?” He asked him and grabbed one of his arms for support, even though his junior could walk just fine on his own. The doors of the metro opened but only few people got out.

“Huh? Wait, there’s no need for that, I’m really okay-“ Jian Lan panicked while he was being dragged into the carriage. Xiulan let go of him only after finding an empty seat he forced Jian to sit on.

“Thank you.” His junior muttered with red ears. Jian Lan wasn’t used to treatment like this and getting it from a person that didn’t show any interest in him the whole time was even more frustrating.

What he didn’t know was that Xiulan’s mind got anxious the moment he heard Jian mention driving. For a moment, he imagined his junior passing out in the car and he got a strong urge to be close to him and make sure he’s okay.

“I’m not avoiding you.” Xiulan said once the subway moved. Jian Lan, who was staring at the floor, looked up at his senior standing in front of him. He seemed a lot taller than normal, his head was almost bumping into the handle hanging from the ceiling.

“Pardon?” He wasn’t sure if he heard him correctly and wanted to stand up to face him when Xiulan’s hand on Jian Lan’s shoulder pushed him back.

“Stay seated. I won’t be able to catch you right now if you fall, I need to hold on with one of my hands.” He instructed him with a gentle tone. Jian sighed and sat down again. He decided to do what he was told despite feeling completely fine. He just looked up again and made eye contact with his senior, waiting for him to continue with the previous topic.

“Good.” Wen Xiulan involuntary chuckled at the puppy eyes he was giving him. Jian Lan’s cheeks flushed lightly, he felt like a small kid.

“I’m not good when it comes to approaching new people.” Xiulan continued and his expression changed to his regular, serious one. “If I should be honest, I don’t know how to keep people I care about in my life. I don’t know how to start nor take care of any relationship so it’s easier for me to just be alone.” He explained with no emotion in his voice. His junior was taken aback by this sudden and honest confession.

Jian Lan’s eyes watched closely every small move Xiulan’s face made. He looked for any signs of sadness or pity but didn’t find any, his senior was only stating facts without being emotional over it. A small, melancholic smile formed on Jian’s face as he lowered his gaze. Their talk got all serious it took him by surprise.

“We’re quite similar, then.” He commented, deciding to open up as well. “Though in my case, I’ve never had a chance to keep someone in my life. All I care about is my younger brother who’s in my custody since my parents divorced. Lack of time and my clumsy nature discourage everyone from creating a bond with me.” He confessed while the weak smile disappeared from his face. Although the words sounded like he was pitying himself, his expression didn’t show any signs of sorrow.

Xiulan couldn’t hide his surprise at his honest statement and raised his eyebrows a bit. “What do you mean you’ve never had a chance to keep someone in your life?” He asked after a moment of thinking. “You just said you have a younger brother in custody. That must have cost you a lot of effort to achieve and you did your best to keep him in your life. I wish I had a family member I could care for.”

This time, Xiulan’s eyes sparkled and his voice shook a bit while saying the last sentence. It was a tiny detail but Jian Lan was quick enough to notice it. He took a deep breath before replying but the voice announcing the upcoming stop interrupted them.

“Oh… I’m getting off here.” Jian came to himself and glanced at the display with a map of the route. He didn’t even realize how they had passed all the stops.

He got up the moment the metro started breaking, causing him to lose his balance and desperately search for something to hold on. Xiulan grasped one of his hands that were flying in the air and gave him an angry frown.

“I guess your hobby is to make others unnecessarily worried.” He commented while still frowning and squeezed his junior’s hand tighter.

“What? This wasn’t my fault, I just didn’t get a chance to grab the handle.” Jian Lan defended himself, feeling embarrassed.𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰 𝘐 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦? He then took the walk of shame while his senior dragged him out of the carriage. He kept his head down, avoiding weird stares they were getting because Xiulan was not letting off his hand.

The scene resembled an angry parent and a kid who just misbehaved and they were hurrying home to settle the business down.

“My apartment is very close, you don’t have to walk me all the way.” Jian mentioned quietly when they hopped on the escalator. “You can also let go now, it’s a bit uncomfortable…” He muttered. It felt like his senior was squeezing him with all his strength.

“Oh… I’m sorry.” Xiulan flinched and immediately let his hand go. “I didn’t even notice that.”

They remained in silence until they reached the top of the moving stairs.

“I know you said you live nearby, but may I walk you there? We can chat a bit more on our way.” Xiulan said and his facial expression shown he won’t take a no for an answer.

Jian hesitated. He still felt embarrassed by the incidents before and was fighting the urge to just run away from his coworker.

“I still think there’s no need for going to such lengths, I’m really ok-“

“I won’t be discouraged by your lack of time nor your clumsy nature.” Xiulan interrupted him as they proceed to exit the subway. The dark and quiet street welcomed them. It was weird how quiet it suddenly got as if they weren’t in Beijing anymore. Xiulan realized he hasn’t been to this rural part of the city yet.

Once Jian Lan heard that sentence, his body stopped involuntarily.

“Huh?”

It took Xiulan a moment to notice his junior wasn’t walking beside him anymore. He then stopped and turned around as well.

“I told you, I’m not good when I have to approach people but I’m trying my best right now.” He didn’t break eye contact even once and closed the distance between them. “Don’t turn me down like this.”

A car passed by. Its loud engine startled both of them.

A light, cold breeze brushed their hair. Few, old leaves laying on the sidewalk were lifted up in the air.

“You’re the type of person I cannot understand.” Jian Lan said after a long pause. Xiulan nodded as if he was aware of it. The truth was, he didn’t understand himself either. “My apartment isn’t this direction, we need to take a right turn now.” He instructed him and walked past his senior, taking the lead.

He didn’t want Xiulan to see how red his cheeks became.

His senior only smirked and hurried up to follow him, Jian Lan’s walking pace was close to sprinting.