Chapter 4

Nikhil stirred on the couch. His phone beeped relentlessly as messages poured in early in the AM. He groaned, flipped onto his side, and pulled a thin blanket over him. 

He paused as he noticed something that wasn’t there last night when he went to sleep. A thin blanket...

He cocked his head up and ran his groggy eyes over the blanket and the mosquito repellent plugged into the wall. As far as he could remember, he went to sleep without any of these! 

FLASHBACK – LAST NIGHT

Nikhil, fast asleep on the couch. 

Tanuja emerged in the living room, tiptoeing past a clock on the wall. It was past 3:00 AM. She had a thin blanket and a mosquito repellent machine.

She walked past an orange-shaded table lamp, making its faint light throw mysterious shadows across the walls and floors. 

She peered at Nikhil, her face dropping. Even in his sleep, he looked stubborn, furious, and sore, as if he wanted the whole world to know about the grudge he held against her. He just had the bare necessities on – a black vest and the rich blue track pants he didn’t want to wear. Nothing else. No pillows. No blankets. No nothing. 

She swatted off the scourge of mosquitoes hovering around for his blood, spread the blanket over him, and tucked it in carefully. 

At her touch, he stirred and cuddled onto her hand. 

Startled, she almost snapped it away but stopped at the smile on his lips. He moaned and snored on as she quietly watched him. A breath of relief replaced the sadness. After all that had happened today, this little trace of softness from his side unburdened her very much. 

She managed to pull herself free without waking him up, plugged in the repellent, and turned it on. She threw one last look at him before leaving. 

END OF FLASHBACK.

Nikhil sunk into the couch, sighing deeply. The harsh morning sun streamed in through the blinds and danced over his face. He obscured his eyes and tried to get some more sleep. But he couldn’t. He was restless and fidgety. 

QUICK FLASHBACK.

“If in two years of marriage, NOTHING happens, then WHAT do you expect ME to do other than stick to my friends and gadgets?

The visuals from his memory looked dull and drab like a grainy old sepia film. His voice echoed as if from an eerie nightmare. 

“I have nothing to look forward to in life! NOTHING!

Tanuja’s shocked face swam before his eyes. With each word, everything drained out of her face. The blood, the colour, the life. Everything. 

“In two years of married life, my friends made kids. I don’t even have sex!

“My life is so screwed up!

“You made me feel like a DOG Tanuja!

“Any other guy in my place would have just walked out!

Despite seeing her reel and stumble from his blow, he chose to stomp out and slam the door behind him, hard enough to make his point LOUD and clear. 

He stormed into the living room, pulled out his dress, and flung it to wherever. From the way he changed into his vest and tracks, one would feel that he wanted to take out his own fury on himself. Once done, he plopped onto the couch, flipped onto his side, and tried to get some sleep when an unmistakable sob floated into the living room. He cocked up his head, trying to listen. His heart pounded as he heard it again, this time loud and clear enough to make out that it was Tanuja. 

It troubled him; overwhelmed him with guilt. His human side, the part that loved her with his whole being, urged him to get up and check on her, but the other side, the egoistic one, told him to shut up and go to sleep, that she’ll cry and get over it. Listening to the latter, he turned over as if nothing happened and drifted off to sleep. 

END OF FLASHBACK. 

BACK TO NIKHIL.

Try as he may, he couldn’t pretend that he was okay with everything that happened last night. He didn’t feel like getting up at all. He just wanted to lie there and convince himself that it was all a nightmare. His breaths shallowed, and his face turned pale as if he would throw up any minute. 

BEEP-BEEP. BEEP-BEEP.

Another incoming message snapped him out of his thoughts. He took a deep breath and picked up his phone. 

Notifications. Mostly from Facebook, WhatsApp, e-mails, and other random shit. His thumb swiped back and forth, carelessly flitting through them all, till it came to rest over one notification that stood out from everything else.

“It’s Tanuja Varma’s birthday today. Write a message on her wall to let her know what you think.

The notification came in at 12 AM. 

Birthday. Tanuja’s birthday. 

Nikhil’s lips parted and his eyes flickered as he tried to fathom the consequences of everything that he’d barfed up last night. His thumb stayed stiff and motionless over the notification as his hold on the phone went rigid. 

Write a message on her wall to let her know what you think. 

In a way he did. He carved his unintentional message right onto the walls of her heart and probably scourged it deep enough to let it bleed beyond repair. 

Once again, his thumb flicked through. Her wall was bombarded with tons of wishes from friends and relatives. But she had seen none of them. She wouldn’t have. Because she was busy last night. Like literally. 

Nikhil felt awful. His short, shallow breaths and the relentless throbs and clenches of his jaw said it all. He sat up and rubbed the nape of his neck before straightening up and looking around at random things. 

I went over the edge last night. I shouldn’t have. I could have sorted this out differently. But---

He hyperventilated, tsking in frustration. 

Tanuja…. The very name caused a stir in him, one that felt like pure, cold, panic. Everything felt wrong. So wrong.  

It was dead quiet in the Varma Residence, except for the soft ticking of the clock in the hallway. It was 06:15 AM. His frantic thoughts, however, were not on the time but on Tanuja. He rose and headed to the kitchen. On finding it empty, he took the stairs to their room. Seeing the door ajar, he opened it, walked in, and latched it up. The room was empty. Sounds of running water from the bathroom drew him towards it. 

He approached the door quietly and stood there for a moment, shifting from one foot to the other. He could hear the shower running inside. He raised a hand to knock and hesitated yet again as if contemplating on whether to do it or not.  

He knocked on the door, but there was no response, just the shower running. 

He knocked again. Suddenly, the bathroom went quiet. The person inside turned down the shower a little bit and responded from within. “Haan?” It was Tanuja’s voice.

"Open the door,” said Nikhil quietly. 

There was a brief silence before she replied. “I’m almost done. Coming soon.” The discomfort in her voice was pronounced. 

“No,” he answered, “just open the door. Need to tell you something.” 

A shuffle ensued from within followed by a clack of the latch. The door unlocked and opened ajar. Tanuja, drenched, dripping, and nude, peeked through. At the sight of him, she almost disappeared into her own shell. His verbal blow was so severe last night that she couldn't get herself to look him in the eye. “I’ll be out in a minute,” she mumbled, “I’m about to finish.

She prepared to shut the door when Nikhil put his hand on it, stopping her. He stared at her with longing, his gaze soft. “Just open,” he whispered. 

She grew uncomfortable as their painful argument from last night flooded her memories. She stepped back into the running shower. watched him slip in and latch up the door. He turned around to face her. His features weren’t rigid, monstrous, and contorted like last night. Yet, she found it difficult to face him. She too did pour out her innermost feelings (against her will) in all that outburst and now, she was incredibly embarrassed about it. 

Suddenly, she became increasingly aware of how nude and drenched she was; of how red her cheeks were turning. The air of awkwardness was unbearable, and she quickly looked away. 

On any other occasion, this would have driven him crazy. But this time, it wasn’t her body that pulled him towards her, but her heart. He moved into the shower, ignoring the fact that it was still on, and pulled her into his embrace and caressed her. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Tanuja’s breath got stuck in her throat. Her round eyes flickered and darted to and fro. Something surged in her chest. She didn’t expect him to shed his aggression this fast; to make up with her so fast. After last night, she did prepare herself for the worst. 

His hug felt different too. This had nothing to do with lust. This was warm. Protective. Apologetic. And filled with love. 

Tanuja wrapped her arms around him, buried her face into his chest, and broke down into stifled sobs. She too loved him dearly, and she wished that things never went this sour in between them. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He held her tighter and continued to chant his apology in soft whispers while gently waltzing under the shower in each other’s arms. Nikhil’s body was so close to hers. They fit perfectly into each other, just like two pieces of a puzzle that were made to fit and be complete. His embrace secured her deep into the pit of his chest as if wanting to plant her in his heart forever. 

He stayed under the shower with her, hugging her. His eyes closed in complete bliss, not caring a cent for the way he got drenched in his clothes. His face rested on her shoulder while breathing in the scent of her skin. 

Tanuja wrapped her arms around him, much firmly than before. She trembled with the effort of holding back her sobs. 

“Shh, it’s okay,” he hushed while stroking her back, holding her closer, tighter, wanting to console and protect from any more hurt, whether it be from him or anyone else. He straightened up and took her face in his hands. The shower continued to drench her, yet, he could make out the fresh tears rolling down, so, he quickly brushed it away and placed soft, tender kisses on her forehead and eyes. 

Eyes gleaming, he watched her, running a finger over a thick strand of her wet hair. “I love you, honey. I love you so much.

Her lips quivered. Feeling choked, she leaned onto him, sighing, as if surrendering. "I love you too,” she replied.  

They stayed under the shower, unaware of how it soaked them. All they knew was that in each other’s arms, they felt safe and protected, they had a sense of belonging, one that they feared losing. 

Nikhil straightened up and turned off the shower. 

Tanuja just stood there, completely still as Nikhil did everything. He pulled off the thick bath towel from the rod and mopped off every drop of water he could. Wrapping her in the towel, he opened the door and gently swept her off her feet. 

She held onto his strong shoulders as he carried her to their room. Like a priceless piece of art, he carefully placed her on the bed and stepped back to pull off his dripping clothes. He stripped himself to the flesh as she watched on with growing tension. 

She knew what’s coming. Intimacy. Sex. Something that always frightened her. As if programmed to shut down in such a scenario, she quickly went rigid, visibly appearing to recoil into her own shell. 

Realizing what’s going on, he paused to study her before quickly getting into a dry towel and slipping into bed. Contrary to her expectations, he simply cuddled her, close enough to transfer his warmth, and then, he pulled her into his arms, rocking her back and forth. 

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