All The Little Things

Chapter 1

NIKHIL’S & TANUJA’S ROOM  
 
A clock ticked past 9:30 PM on the smooth pastel wall.
 
 
Tanuja Varma sat up in bed with her back against the wall and her knees drawn to her chest.
Her nostrils flared as she stared at the time with absolute disappointment. She had the look of someone who had just been let down... terribly! 
 
The silence amplified the ticking of the clock, and in a way, the rage bubbling within her.
When her cell phone rang, her heart nearly leaped out of her throat. Quickly pulling herself together, she picked it up, sniffled, and answered, “hello?”  
 
“Hello girlie!
Wish you a happy! Happy! Happy birthday!” A woman rammed in from the other end.  
 
She sighed.
Her friend’s greeting had only added salt to her wounds.  She’d expected this from someone else, but alas, he’d conveniently chosen to forget about it, as usual. “Thank you so much Dimple,” she responded unenthusiastically.  
 
“Whoa!
What’s with the formality?” teased Dimple. “And why so glum?” 
 
“Nothing, I’m fine,” she lied.
 
 
But Dimple saw right through her.
"You're a liar,” she shot back. 
 
"I’m fine Dimps, trust me, it’s just that I’m… a little bit...
” she paused before arriving at the perfect alibi. “...Tired.” 
 
“Why?
You’re supposed to be up and jumping. It’s your birthday girlie!” 
 
“Yeah, I know.
But---” Tanuja bit her lip.  
 
“But what?
”  
 
Tanuja fiddled with the pillow, twisting and tugging its cover as she fought the desperate urge to scream and proclaim the naked truth to the entire world.
“But nothing. I was just... getting dressed. We’re... going out you see.” She shrugged, smirking at her botched attempt of trying to console herself.  
 
“Oh!
Oh! Okay! Fine-fine. I’ll hang up then. Drop me a message whenever you’re free,” chimed Dimple.  
 
“Sure.
Will do.” 
 
“Alright then.
You guys have fun!”  
 
“Sure, thanks, we will.
”   
 
“Byeeee.
Good night.” 
 
“Good night.
” Tanuja hung up and leaned back, allowing her eyes to wander on the flowery bedsheets. 
 
FLASHBACK – NIKHIL’S AND TANUJA’S WEDDING ANNIVERSARY, THEIR ROOM – A MONTH AGO: 
 
Tanuja sat on a stool before the mirror and brushed through the wet, luscious strands of her hair.
She was all set to celebrate their anniversary, to finally spend some quality time with Nikhil, to seal and bond their crumbling relationship. She’d begun to feel that they hardly spoke to each other these days. He was at work most of the time, and by the time he got home, it was always late. His employer didn’t spare him even during the weekends or holidays. She fantasized about all the things they would do when they went out, the sights they would see, the food they would savor, the special moments they’d share.  
It all came to an end when she picked up bits and pieces of Nikhil’s conversation from the hallway.
 
 
“We can use my car,” she heard him saying, probably on the phone, “we should be there in no time.
I won’t take much to get ready. Just need to pull on a shirt.” 
 
Who’s he talking to, she wondered, are we stopping to meet anyone else?
 
 
Just then, the doorbell rang, and she heard the door being answered.
Excited bellows and laughter followed. She held her breath and listened closely as the overwhelming feeling of dread stung her. Something told her that all their plans and all her fantasies were going to be crushed to death.  
 
"Hey,” said Nikhil breathlessly as he barged into the room.
 
 
“Yep?
” Tanuja turned around and noticed that he was still in his t-shirt and pajamas. “Aren’t you ready yet?” 
 
“No, there’s a problem.
” 
 
Tanuja felt her heart race.
This had been the norm ever since they’ve been together. They always made plans only for the universe to conspire and ruin it later. “What?” she asked him, feeling choked.  
 
“My old friends are here.
They’ve come all the way from the U.S. and they’ve asked me to go along. I wish I can turn them down, but... they’ve dropped by just to meet me after so many years. How can I say ‘no’?” He kept his voice as low as possible, lest his friends from the living room heard them.  
 
Lips slightly parted, Tanuja stared back at him.
She was on the verge of exploding but contained herself. “So, we aren’t going out this time either,” she remarked calmly.  
 
Nikhil watched the glow disappear from her face and felt awful.
He knelt beside her, his eyes in line with hers. When he spoke again, his voice was barely a whisper. “I wouldn’t have entertained them, but, as I said, they’ve come all the way from the U.S. When the first thing they do is drop in to meet me, how do I even chase them away?” 
 
Tanuja tore her gaze away and kept it down.
Even two years post marriage, she didn’t have it in her to lock her eyes with his for more than a fleeting moment. Any longer always made her heart flutter. This time, however, it might have moved her to tears. She’d longed for this moment dearly, to spend time with Nikhil, just the two of them doing everything they’d wanted to do, but... 
 
Nikhil watched her intently, waiting for approval, fearing that her comeback might be negative, maybe even violent.
He knew how much they’d planned for this day. He knew that he’d broken more promises than he’d made, and she’d always shrugged it off each time, saying that it was okay. Will it work this time too? He had his doubts. His fears grew when he saw the pain stinging her eyes, and the efforts she was putting in to suppress it.  
 
Aware of Nikhil staring at her and noting the state she was in, she quickly pulled herself together.
She didn’t want to add to his woes. “It’s… okay. I understand. I’ll… just change then,” she blurted while looking everywhere else but at him. 
 
Nikhil straightened up, deeply worried at the disappointment in her voice.
He felt guilty, yet, he was clueless on how to handle this moment.  
 
A sudden bellow of laughter erupted from the living room, making their heads snap in that direction.
Nikhil turned back to Tanuja, passing a sheepish smile. “Jassy... he laughs like a maniac,” he said quietly.  
 
“Not surprised, considering his profession,” Tanuja retorted and rose to her feet, pinning up her hair into a ponytail.
That’s how she prepared herself for some chores in and around the house.  
 
Nikhil watched on as she quickly slipped into a comfy t-shirt and pajamas, all the while wondering if she loathed his friends, and probably even him.
“Tanuja,” he cooed, but it looked like she wasn’t listening.  
 
“I’ll get you guys something to drink,” she said nonchalantly and started off to the kitchen before he held her back.
 
 
“Listen,” he said as he rose, towering over her by a whole foot, “this weekend is ours.
We’re going out and doing our thing, no matter what. No one, nothing can come in between us. That’s a promise.” 
 
“You don’t have to sweat, I’m in no hurry,” she stated, suddenly interested in the letters on his tee.
 
 
“But I am,” he smirked, feeling amused at how she was picking on his tee.
 
 
“Yeah, right,” she countered.
 
 
“I’m serious,” he insisted.
 
 
“Fine, take your time, I don’t have a problem.
” 
 
END OF FLASHBACK.
 
 
BACK TO TANUJA 
 
Taken for granted like a piece of trash.
That’s how she felt. Tanuja wiped the tears brimming in her eyes, picked up her phone, and dialed Nikhil.  

*** 
 

It was way past office hours, yet, Nikhil continued to drown in complicated spreadsheets over his desk and in his laptop. The place was practically dark and empty with just an employee or two. He took a quick, noisy sip from his once steaming coffee when his cell phone buzzed. Knowing that none other Tanuja would call up at this time, he quickly answered it and jammed the phone between his shoulder and ear. “Hey, what’s up?” he answered in a peppy tone while continuing his work, his eyes darting from the sheet on his laptop to the open roll of A3 paper before him.  
 
“Where are you?
” asked Tanuja.  
 
“Office,” he replied.
 
 
She paused and listened to him rattling away on his laptop’s keys.
 
 
“Everything alright?
” he enquired on noting the silence from the other end.  
 
“When will you be back?
” she asked.  
 
"Dunno,” he answered, “going to be late.
” 
 
Her heart thumped and her nostrils flared as she struggled to contain her rage.
She knew that he was tied up. She understood his plight. But she was fed up with assuring herself time and again that things would eventually fall into place. How long could she keep going like this? Most importantly, she had the strong belief that he was kind of enjoying this game, the game of standing her up right before their outing, the game of distancing himself from her. “How late?” she asked in a shaky voice.  
 
“I don’t know,” he tsked, “told you, I’m just like… really stuck right now.
There are a hell lot of reports that I’ve got to turn in today by hook or crook and I just don’t know how I’m going to do it.” He sighed wearily and stifled a yawn. “God, I’m so fed up. So-so tired. I really need to sleep.” Nikhil was sure he heard her heaving from the other end. He sincerely hoped that she wasn’t mad about whatsoever reason.  
 
“So, what about us?
” she spat in a tight, strained voice.   
 
"What do you mean?
” he asked, still typing.  
 
“What about your promise Nikhil?
” 
 
"What promise?
” He stopped typing.   
 
“You forgot,” she scoffed and added in a dejected tone, “as usual...
”  
 
Nikhil paused to ponder over what she was talking about.
Was there something important that he’d missed out on? “What? What is it?” he probed before finally recollecting the promise that he’d made. “Shit. Oh, shit-shit,” he hissed under his breath and leaned onto his chair, making it creak loudly. He screwed his eyes shut and rubbed his temples furiously.  
“Look, it’s not that I forgot,” he stammered after finally recovering, “I did remember, but, I’m so badly stuck right now.
There's no way I can leave earlier than midnight.” 
 
She listened on with short, shallow breaths.
His alibi lacked the sincerity of a real excuse. 
 
“But see look,” he continued, “this weekend.
I promise. This weekend pukka. It’s just going to be for us. Just the both of us. No one else. Okay? No bullshit. No nonsense. Just us. We’re going to go out and do our thing. Whatever we want to do. Okay?” 
 
“I’m used to hearing this now,” she responded in utter disappointment, “I don’t have any more faith in your promises.
” 
 
“Come on.
Don’t say that. It’s not like I’m doing all this on purpose.” 
 
“It’s all about priorities Nikhil,” she stated.
“Unfortunately, I don’t top your list.” 
 
“What are you talking about?
” he chuckled.  
 
She started in a wobbly voice.
“I don’t want to sound selfish Nikhil. But think about it… we’ve been married for two years. Two years! And not once. Not even ONCE have we had time for ourselves. Never have we gone out or just had a casual talk. It’s always Tanuja this… Tanuja that. And when people ask me “what did you guys do on the weekend?” I just feel so terrible. I mean… what can I say? That I was banged up in the kitchen all weekend? That I spent my time alone washing and cleaning?” 
 
Nikhil leaned back, sighing, wringing his temples.
He was tired of her nagging.  
 
“Tanuja, “he stared quietly, “I swear.
It’s not that I forgot about it. I did remember. I swear. And I did plan to leave work early today so that we could go out and all that. But this just came in at the last moment and… I couldn’t say no. I have to do it or I’ll lose my job. You know that, right? 
 
“I always try to understand Nick.
I still do. I know that you’re busy. I know that you’re stuck. But you know what?” She paused before breaking up, her voice reeling out of control. “I can’t take this anymore. I took it for two years. But any more and I’ll go crazy.” 
 
Nikhil tsked and sighed, not knowing how to handle this.
 
 
"But you know what hurts me more?
” she sobbed. “That you don’t even try! You don’t want to make things work. You just don’t really care!” She broke down crying.  
 
"It’s not like that, Tanuja,” said Nikhil quietly.
 
 
“And you tell me that it’s not on purpose!
That you’re stuck! Yet, you always manage to find all the time in the world to hang out with your friends!” she shot back.  
 
Nikhil tsked again, sighing in exasperation.
"Seriously. Don’t bring that up again. I told you. Those were my friends from the US. They were visiting me after such a long time. What was I supposed to do? Drive them away? Come on! You know that I couldn’t do that.” 
 
"What about the week before when you chose to spend your weekend chit-chatting with two of your other friends?
” 
 
"Are you telling me that I don’t have the right to enjoy my life?
” He finally lost it, his voice as loud and angry as hers.  
 
"That doesn’t answer my question!
” she spat back with the same aggression. “Moreover, if you wanted to enjoy your life all by yourself, then why did you even bring me in? You could have enjoyed your life! By yourself! With your friends! Wherever you wanted to! However you wished to! Why did you have to drag me into this and make me feel so bloody lonely? What am I? Some kind of a rag doll where you take me when you need me and throw in some corner when you don’t! I’m a human being. A woman! I’m your wife!” 
 
If Nikhil weren’t in office, he’d be shouting at the top of his lungs now.
Instead, he suppressed himself to an angry hiss. “Alright now get this goddammit! One. I’m in the office. At work! Not play! Two. I’m a bloody human being too. I need my space. I don’t need you sitting on top of my head and dictating terms to me. Get it? I’ll do what I want when I want and how I want to. Understand? And three. If you feel so bored go and FIND something to do.
 
His words felt like a tight slap on the face, like a hard punch in the gut.
"Okay,” she responded quietly, her aggression smothered. “But get this Nikhil. I had friends too. And I left them all to be with you. I left my home. My parents. Everything. Because I… because I trusted you. Because I loved you.” 
 
“Yeah whatever,” he shot back with the least bit of concern.
“I’ve got work. Bye.” Saying this, he hung up.  
 
Shaken and hurt, Tanuja quietly kept her phone aside, stood up, and locked the door.
 


*** 

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